Harry Potter and The Insert of The Self
by Trolkastel
Summary: As like any who are of the same generation as I am, I am a huge HP fan... Always running from reality to find solace in JK's world... But never in my wildest dreams have I expected to find myself LITERALLY in it... As Harry Potter himself... Warning: This is not your ordinary Self-Insert...
1. Pilot

[It was a boring day as any... Now it's dark outside. As dark as a 12 o'clock could be... Wait, it's not 12 o'clock yet. There's stil five more fucking minutes for the fucking merry day to come to it's fucking 'happy' end. Shit, too much swearing... It's all because of that woman. I, a third year med student in this rotten country with it's rotten people, instead of studying for the upcoming exams, spend my precious time with my i-Pad Pro while lying down on my queen size bed. With a little soothing music in the background, What I'm doing is being a nice little bookworm... Or is it a padworm?]

As I contemplate many little random things as I always do, I put my i-pad down on my bed and get up. I get up and go outside to take a fresh air as I'm always holed up in my modest room. I dont see my family during my short journey outside. My feet take me to the park right beside our apartment. As I spot an isolated wooden bench that wasn't there before, I decided to take a seat on it because for some reason, It seemed especially tempting, as though it was representing the gloominess but most of all, the loneliness of my heart... And right now, I needed a friend...

"Hey Mr.Bench? Why are you all alone? Would you be my friend? Would you be the one to heal the fragile heart of a poor soul not long ago dumped by his 'girlfriend'? Would you please help me?"  
I wasn't paying any attention to anything around me. I was so engrossed and desperate for this 'ordinary' bench to understand me that in my momentary childishness, I did not notice the strange light emitting from the very bench that I was sitting on and desperately crying for help from. When I finally noticed something strange was going on, it was already too late and suddenly, I was filled with a strange sensation which was not pleasant at all.

"What the fu...?"

Without even finishing the sentence reserved only for the high cultured gentlemen, I died... At least that's the only thing so as to describe what I just experianced and am still experiancing. It's as if I'm a photon traveling at the speed of light to a place just for me, far far away... Seconds became minutes, minutes became hours, hours became days an so on...

[How long has it been, I wonder? When am I ever going to meet with the embodiment of lonliness itself? Wait, maybe we have already met when I was alive... And maybe that's why this trip seems not that excrutiating. And there was that too... Or rather, her... Not my ex who dumped me, but her... I was finding solace just by picturing her smile. Especially her chocholate brown foxy eyes... I had first seen her when I was very little. She was the female lead character of the popular series, Harry Potter. Hermione Granger... The love of my life... Not the person who is playing the role as her mind you, but the character as it was shown on the movie series. There was a time I would read the series all over again right after finishing it till the next book finally came out. Though I do not know the number of times I have read the series, I do know that It was enough for me to see the character Harry as a part of me... But the fact that Harry chose Ginny in the books and the movies made me crazy to no end! How could he 'see' Hermione as a sister when she gave so much for him? How could he be attracted to anybody but Hermione? The things that they have experianced, the things that she and 'I' experianced, deserves something much more... Look at me talking, maybe my ex dumped me because she could sense that my heart was not beating only for her, or maybe I'm overthinking thi... haa??]

As I was lost in my on world, suddenly things started to become much slower, then everything suddenly stopped. As if I have finally arrived to my final destination, a peculiar feeling not much different to the afterglow of having a nice hot bath encapsulated my very being...  
"Whao? My body! And my eyes!! My voice?"

As I was in a euphoric state, my mind still managed to fiddle itself with bullshit questions.

[My voice came out just like a child's... What the fuck? Is this the afterlife? Do people in heaven all regardless of their age are little brats? Oh shit, what if this is hell? Wait, where is the proof that I'm in heaven in the first place? First let's just calm down and figure out where the hell I am...]

I slowly flex my muscles to get up from the ground where I was lying as it makes a creaking noise. When I look around me, I vaguely make out the interior of the room I was in.

"Jeez... Just how old is this place? It was definitly not meant for happily ever afters that's for sure... And the storm outside is definitly not helping now is it?" I softly murmured.

As I was inspecting the room, my eyes fell on a small figure sleeping on a couch near the place that I was just lying. As I saw who the figure was, the only thing that could come out of this noble mouth was:

"Holy shit!"

I immediatly searched for a mirror to confirm my suspicions, not paying any attention to the rudely awoken figure or the loud banging on the door which could only be caused by a certain half-giant.

As I got into the bathroom that was located just beneath the stairs that was leading upstairs, I found a mirror at last only to confirm my suspicions.

"Holy shit! I'm Harry Potter!!"


	2. Self-Realisation

"Holy shit! I'm Harry Potter!!"

As I stood stock-still right in front of the dusty old rectangular mirror that was situated just over a mossy old sink which stood right next to a similarly mossy common toilet that had surely seen better days, my new voice now which had an angelic tune etched on it, in synchronazation with my facial expressions, somehow turned from a boyish curiosity into that of pure bliss in mid-sentence. The reflection which the dusty mirror barely provided was more than enough to get a clear picture of my new visage. Which brings us to -- My face --

[Beautiful -- and soft?]

As I was appreciating my new facial futures in wonder and my fingers were softly tracing lines all over my shockingly sensitive face which was as smooth as a fine silk cloth made only by the finest silkworms, suddenly a deafening sound not too different from a gunshot which I am all too familiar with from all those movies I have watched on TV resounded from the direction where I came from and interrupted my precious narcissistic self-discovery time.

"Was that..." I murmured hastily as I quickly turned my head along with the rest of my body to the direction of the door which must have closed itself after my hasty entrance. Then right after that, my ears were assaulted by another formidable source of sound no less destructive than the former. This time, it was the infamous 'female screaming'.

"Hiaaaaah!"

"hiiiiih"

"My ears!" I uncounciously crouched down as an instant tingling pain enveloped my ears.

[Aaahh! Fuck! Of course, along with the gunshot came the female screaming, classic.]

"Tsk!" I massage both the tragus of my ears with my index fingers to ease the pain even if only a little bit.

[It's a good thing that the door was closed. I do not need any hearing loss baggage on my shoulders. But still, my ears...]

The pain gradually dulled as I took consecutive deep breaths.

[Shit, this body really has some sensitive hearing shit. Are there any magic to lessen the effects of destructive sounds? I want to learn some...]

I let out a tired sigh.

[I better get back before some potential shit happens...]

And with that, I moved toward the door as my mind did what it does best, thinking...

[I wonder if I should follow up the script, but even though I am a fan of the series, I do not remember every single detail happening in the books or the movies... Even if I do remember everything, there are major parts that are not mentioned and therefore skipped. So it is impossible for me to follow the script to the letter considering the butterfly effect. But does that mean that I should completely give up trying to stick to the original plot and have it my way?]

As I reached to open the door, a troubling thought suddenly ocurred to me that made me hesitant to open the door.

[What if one day I am exposed to legilimency or veritaserum?]

The mere thought of it was enough to give me the goosebumps.

[What would happen to me then? Would they learn all my secrets and then wipe out my memories? Or would they eject me from this body to save it's original owner? Surely they won't just let an imposter do as he pleases with the body of the magical world's 'Hero', The Boy Who Lived...

Oh no! What if I'm just an invader who is imprisoning this body's owner against his will? Or what if, me taking control of his body killed him somehow? Would it make me the bad guy to confess that I feel that there is nothing wrong with that? Was I always like this? What's happening to me? I have never before felt like this. Both ecstatic about my newfound chance at a fulfilling life and equally shitty about myself at the same time...]

As I was plagued by the lack of integrity that I demonstrated since my 'rebirth' and the uncertainty of my future, I realised I was perspirating unnaturally. My whole body was covered in sweat all over as if I was a professional athlete participating in the Olympics who had just finished the 5000 metre race and was dying for some fresh water and a hot bath.

"Couldn't make us a cup o' tea, could yeh? It's not been an easy journey..."

I could hear the voice of the half-giant through the door and despite my hysteric mood, I couldn't stop the relieved smile from forming on my lips. I never thought of the possibility that one day, I might easily be soothed by the voice of a character in a popular series, much less thought that I would be literally in the series itself...

[Okay, calm down man. This is no time for panic attacks. Keep in mind that I am only this anxious because of the things I've experianced in such a short amount of time, so it is relatively normal for me to respond the way that I did. Calm down and think things clearly, one at a time.

First, I was not the one who asked for this to happen, so I do not need to burden myself about this.

Second, considering that this world sticks to the plot of the original series, the possibility that I could be exposed is too little if I play my cards right. And also no one in the magical world know anything about my personality so I don't have to be too constrained in my choice of actions.

And third, although I could try to find a way to determine whether the real Harry is alive or not, and if he is, help him, but I will not do so.

It's because I am selfish. I have always wanted to be Harry, to experiance the life that he has experianced so I won't let this chance slip away from my fingertips so easily.

Although his life was not without it's regular dose of tragedies but unlike me, he managed to perseviere until the bitter end and found something real. And I'm pretty sure that something is the geniune companionship of one certain bushy haired chocolate brown eyed bookworm know-it-all.]

As I was lost in deep contemplation, that familiar voice again managed to pull me back to reality, but this time, calling for 'me'.

"Harry!"

[Yes, I am Harry! Harry Potter! From now on, I will live this life to it's fullest, with it's ups and downs. Yes, I will embrace everything that this new life of mine has to offer! I will fight for a life where I might, no, I will find something worth it, something real!]

And with that conviction, I quickly wiped away the cold sweat that had accumulated on my face with the back of my left hand while determinedly turned the doorknob clockwise with the other one to open it and opened it did. Finally the barrier seperating me from the rest of the people in the house was no more and what my eyes were confronted was a scene not unlike in the movie.

Uncle Vernon was at the corner of the room which the stairs were directly facing, holding a shotgun which was bent into a knot, with his wife Petunia right beside him cowering in fear just like in the movie. The only difference was that Dudley too was now cowering right behind his mother, too scared to even look at the giant intruder with a face almost completely hidden by a long, shaggy mane of hair and a wild, tangled beard.

"An' here's Harry!" said the giant who was just beside the sofa that was placed approximately in the center of the living room as he spotted me coming out of the bathroom.

As I was spotted already, any hesitation on my part diminished, with my chest struck out and head held high, I came closer to the towering titan with sure steps and looked up into the fierce, wild, shadowy face and saw a pair of beetle eyes that were crinkled in a smile.

[He really is huge! Actually seeing him this close with my own eyes, he surely is intimidating. I am astounded as to how Harry in the series was not scared shitless when confronted with this man the first time. Definitely a Gryffindor to the bone...]

"Las' time I saw you, you was only a baby Harry," said the giant in a merry tone. "Yeh look a lot like yer dad, but yeh've got yer mom's eyes."

Uncle Vernon made a funny rasping noise.

"Again, I demand that you leave at once, sir!" he said. "Boy! You go upstairs! Now!"

As I was just about to decline, the half-giant interfered immediatly.

"Ah, shut up, Dursley yeh great prune. He's not goin' anywhere." Said the half-giant as he ignored the fat nuisance whose face was now turning from a deep tomato red to a shocking colour of purple, then finally to a very posionous green in just a few seconds.

I was probably enjoying the spectacle more than I should as Uncle Vernon made another funny noise, like a mouse being trodden on.

[What an amazing banquet of fifty shades of colourgasm... I wonder what colour's next? I hope it's orange, just like a certain president of a certain country back in my day... Come on! Show me what's next?]

As I was deeply immersed in childish anticipation to witness the holy birth of a fresh rare breed orangutan, I was sadly interrupted.

"Anyway -- Harry," said the giant, turning his back on the Dursleys, "a very happy birthday to yeh. Got summat fer yeh here -- I mighta sat on it at some point, but it'll taste jus' the same."

From an inside pocket of his black overcoat he pulled a slightly squashed box which I took gratefully. As I opened it with ease, inside was a large, sticky chocolate cake with Happy Birthday Harry written on it in green icing.

I looked up at the half-giant with a trace of a smile that I reserve only for when I want to express my gratitude and said in a happy tone of voice that eventually transformed into that of a boyish curiosity.

"Thank you, but -- who are you?

[Yes, just try to remember when you were eleven. Remember how you used to act. You were curious so you used to always ask questions to adults and even threw tantrums when you things didn't go your way.]

The giant chuckled.

"True, I haven't introduced myself. Rubeus Hagrid, Keeper of Keys and Grounds at Hogwarts."

[Even if I don't have what it takes to be an actor, just by using my wit and experience to it's fullest capacity, by which I mean being consistant in my acting as a pure, curious boy in his elevens while at the same time staying true to my nature, I can produce healthy results.]

He held out an enormous hand and I reciprocated with my own. As the man was considerably huge, I had to include my whole arm in the handshaking process.

"What about that tea then, eh?" he said, after the 'handshake', rubbing his hands together. "I'd not say no ter summat stronger if yeh've got it, mind."

His eyes fell on the empty grate with the shriveled chip bags in it and he snorted. He bent down over the fireplace; I couldn't see what he was doing but when he drew back a second later, there was a roaring fire there. It filled the whole damp hut with flickering light and I felt the warmth wash over me as though I'd sunk into a hot bath.

The giant sat back down on the sofa, which sagged under his weight, and began taking all sorts of things out of the pockets of his coat: a copper kettle, a squashy package of sausages, a poker, a teapot, several chipped mugs, and a bottle of some amber liquid that he took a swig from before starting to make tea. Soon the hut was full of the sound and smell of sizzling sausage.

Nobody said a thing while the giant was working, but as he slid the first six fat, juicy, slightly burnt sausages from the poker, Dudley fidgeted a little. Uncle Vernon said sharply, "Don't touch anything he gives you, Dudley."

The giant chuckled darkly.

"Yer great puddin' of a son don' need fattenin' anymore, Dursley, don' worry."

[Now that was just rude -- I can understand demeening the parents but the child? Not that I like Dudley but it just doesn't sit right with me

He passed the first batch of delicious looking sausages to me and as there was no reason for me to refuse, I happily accepted it with a thanks. Needless to say it was my very first meal since my 'rebirth', and somehow I can feel that this body was used to being hungry and starved all the time. Even though it's only a sausage, I feel that it is the most delicious thing that I have ever eaten. Maybe it is, for this body of course...]

[Could it be the effect of the 'rebirth'? Maybe?]

Finally, as I finished devouring the best meal that 'I' have ever had, I decided to be the little inquisitor that I once was and probably still am at heart, "I'm sorry, but I still don't really know who you are."

The giant took a gulp of tea and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Call me Hagrid," he said, "everyone does. An' like I told yeh, I'm Keeper of Keys at Hogwarts -- yeh'll know all about Hogwarts, o' course.

"Er -- no," I said in a hesitative manner.

Hagrid looked shocked.

"Sorry," I said meekly, trying to appeal to the half-giant.

"Sorry?" barked Hagrid, turning to stare at the Dursleys, who shrank back into the shadows. "It's them as should be sorry! I knew yeh weren't gettin' yer letters but I never thought yeh wouldn't even know abou' Hogwarts, fer cryin' out loud! Did yeh never wonder where yer parents learned it all?"

"All what?" I said in just the way I remembered from the movie.

"ALL WHAT?" Hagrid thundered. "Now wait jus' one second!"

He had leapt to his feet. In his anger he seemed to fill the whole hut. The Dursleys were cowering against the wall.

"Do you mean ter tell me," he growled at the Dursleys, "that this boy -- this boy! -- knows nothin' abou' -- about ANYTHING?"

[Now what did Harry say at this part? Come on -- Can't remember...]

"What do you mean?" I said the first thing that came to mind.

But Hagrid simply waved his hand and said, "About our world, I mean. Your world. My world. Yer parents' world."

"What world are you talking about? I don't get it..."

Hagrid looked as if he was about to explode.

"DURSLEY!" he boomed.

Uncle Vernon, who had gone very pale, whispered something that sounded like "Mimblewimble." Hagrid stared wildly at me.

"But yeh must know about yer mom and dad," he said. "I mean, they're famous. You're famous."

"What? My -- my mom and dad were celebrities? Like -- actors and stuff? And how can I be famous? I don't remember ever being recognized even when I was at school."

"Yeh don' know... yeh don' know... " Hagrid ran his fingers through his hair, fixing Harry with a bewildered stare.

"Yeh don' know what yeh are ?" he said finally.

Uncle Vernon suddenly found his voice.

"Stop!" he commanded. "Stop right there, sir! I forbid you to tell the boy anything!"

A braver man than Vernon Dursley would have quailed under the furious look Hagrid now gave him; when Hagrid spoke, his every syllable trembled with rage.

"You never told him? Never told him what was in the letter Dumbledore left fer him? I was there! I saw Dumbledore leave it, Dursley! An' you've kept it from him all these years?"

"Kept what from me?" I said eagerly.

[This acting shit rules! It's like I am three years old again, watching the first movie with my brother and my cousins... Except this time, I really am the main character!]

"STOP! I FORBID YOU!" yelled Uncle Vernon in panic.

Aunt Petunia gave a gasp of horror.

"Ah, go boil yer heads, both of yeh," said Hagrid. "Harry -- yer a wizard."

There was silence inside the hut. Only the sea and the whistling wind could be heard.

"I'm a what ?" I gasped in a dramatic tone.

"A wizard, o' course," said Hagrid, sitting back down on the sofa, which groaned and sank even lower, "an' a thumpin' good 'un, I'd say, once yeh've been trained up a bit. With a mum an' dad like yours, what else would yeh be? An' I reckon it's abou' time yeh read yer letter."

I stretched out my hand at last to take the yellowish envelope, addressed in emerald green to Mr. H. Potter, The Floor, Hut-on-the-Rock, The Sea. He pulled out the letter and read:

HOGWARTS SCHOOL of WITCHCRAFT and WIZARDRY

Headmaster: ALBUS DUMBLEDORE

(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock, Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizards)

Dear Mr. Potter,

We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment.

Term begins on September 1. We await your owl by no later than July 31.

Yours sincerely,

Minerva McGonagall,

Deputy Headmistress

[Holy shit! Now that I think about it, I really am going to Hogwarts! It was my childhood dream to recieve a letter just like this but sadly, one such for me never came -- that is, until now!]

"Hey Hagrid? What do they mean by awaiting my owl?"

[I should not yet know anything about the magical world so, better be careful about my interactions with magicals. Also, though I know a lot about the series, my knowledge is limited to non-omitted parts only. I have to study thoroughly and work hard as I have no other way of obtaining power, power to survive in this world.]

"Gallopin' Gorgons, that reminds me," said Hagrid, clapping a hand to his forehead with enough force to topple down an adult horse in it's prime, and from yet another pocket inside his overcoat he pulled an owl -- a real, live, rather ruffled-looking owl -- a long quill, and a roll of parchment. With his tongue between his teeth he scribbled a note that I could read upside down:

Dear Professor Dumbledore,

Given Harry his letter.

Taking him to buy his things tomorrow.

Weather's horrible. Hope you're well.

Hagrid

Hagrid rolled up the note, gave it to the owl, which clamped it in its beak, went to the door, and threw the owl out into the storm. Then he came back and sat down as though this was as normal as talking on the telephone.

I hardly kept myself from snickering at the hilarious scene.

[He literally threw the poor owl as if it were a tennis ball -- I wonder what the Dursley's would make of the scene.]

"Where was I?" said Hagrid, but at that moment, Uncle Vernon, still ashen-faced but looking very angry, moved into the firelight.

"He will not be going," he said.

Hagrid grunted.

"I'd like ter see a great Muggle like you stop him," he said.

"A what?" said the 'curious' Harry, still in actor mode.

"A Muggle," said Hagrid, "it's what we call nonmagic folk like them. An' it's your bad luck you grew up in a family o' the biggest Muggles I ever laid eyes on."

"We swore when we took him in we'd put a stop to that rubbish," said Uncle Vernon, "swore we'd stamp it out of him! Wizard indeed!"

"You knew ?" said the 'shocked' Harry. "You knew I'm a -- a wizard?"

"Knew!" shrieked Aunt Petunia suddenly. "Knew! Of course we knew! How could you not be, my dratted sister being what she was? Oh, she got a letter just like that and disappeared off to that -- that school -- and came home every vacation with her pockets full of frog spawn, turning teacups into rats. I was the only one who saw her for what she was -- a freak! But for my mother and father, oh no, it was Lily this and Lily that, they were proud of having a witch in the family!"

She stopped to draw a deep breath and then went ranting on. It seemed she had been wanting to say all this for years.

"Then she met that Potter at school and they left and got married and had you, and of course I knew you'd be just the same, just as strange, just as -- as -- abnormal -- and then, if you please, she went and got herself blown up and we got landed with you!"

Even though it's not my life, Harry had been a part of me since my early childhood. So seeing this filthy horse of a woman who is supposed to be 'my' aunt badmouthing 'my' parents, I lost my cool.

"Blown up? You f -- you told me my parents died in a car crash!"

[That was close! For a moment, I thought I was gonna swear and comprimise my acting. Better get my shit together. Focus!]

I sighed surreptitiously.

"CAR CRASH!" roared Hagrid, jumping up so angrily that the Dursleys scuttled back to their corner. "How could a car crash kill Lily an' James Potter? It's an outrage! It's a scandal! Harry Potter not knowin' his own story when every kid in our world knows his name!"

"But why? What happened?" An impatient 'Harry' asked urgently.

The anger faded from Hagrid's face. He looked suddenly anxious.

"I never expected this," he said, in a low, worried voice. "I had no idea, when Dumbledore told me there might be trouble gettin' hold of yeh, how much yeh didn't know. Ah, Harry, I don' know if I'm the right person ter tell yeh -- but someone's gotta -- yeh can't go off ter Hogwarts not knowin'."

He threw a dirty look at the Dursleys.

"Well, it's best yeh know as much as I can tell yeh -- mind, I can't tell yeh everythin', it's a great myst'ry, parts of it..."

He sat down, stared into the fire for a few seconds, and then said, "It begins, I suppose, with -- with a person called -- but it's incredible yeh don't know his name, everyone in our world knows--"

"Who?"

"Well -- I don' like sayin' the name if I can help it. No one does."

"Why not?"

"Gulpin' gargoyles, Harry, people are still scared. Blimey, this is difficult. See, there was this wizard who went... bad. As bad as you could go. Worse. Worse than worse. His name was..."

Hagrid gulped, but no words came out.

"Maybe you could write it down?" Harry suggested.

"Nah -- can't spell it. All right -- Voldemort." Hagrid shuddered. "Don' make me say it again. Anyway, this -- this wizard, about twenty years ago now, started lookin' fer followers. Got 'em, too -- some were afraid, some just wanted a bit o' his power, 'cause he was gettin' himself power, all right. Those were dark times, Harry -- dark times. Didn't know who ter trust, didn't dare get friendly with strange wizards or witches... terrible things happened. He was takin' over. 'Course, some stood up to him -- an' he killed 'em. Horribly. One o' the only safe places left was Hogwarts. Reckon Dumbledore's the only one You-Know-Who was afraid of. Didn't dare try takin' the school, not jus' then, anyway.

"Now, yer mum an' dad were as good a witch an' wizard as I ever knew. Head boy an' girl at Hogwarts in their day! Suppose the myst'ry is why You-Know-Who never tried to get 'em on his side before... probably knew they were too close ter Dumbledore ter want anythin' ter do with the Dark Side.

"Maybe he thought he could persuade 'em... maybe he just wanted 'em outta the way. All anyone knows is, he turned up in the village where you was all living, on Halloween ten years ago. You was just a year old. He came ter yer house an' -- an'--"

Hagrid suddenly pulled out a very dirty, spotted handkerchief and blew his nose with a sound like a foghorn.

"Sorry," he said. "But it's that sad -- knew yer mum an' dad, an' nicer people yeh couldn't find -- anyway...

"You-Know-Who killed 'em. An' then -- an' this is the real myst'ry of the thing -- he tried to kill you, too. Wanted ter make a clean job of it, I suppose, or maybe he just liked killin' by then. But he couldn't do it. Never wondered how you got that mark on yer forehead? That was no ordinary cut. That's what yeh get when a powerful, evil curse touches yeh -- took care of yer mum an' dad an' yer house, even -- but it didn't work on you, an' that's why yer famous, Harry. No one ever lived after he decided ter kill 'em, no one except you, an' he'd killed some o' the best witches an' wizards of the age -- the McKinnons, the Bones, the Prewetts -- an' you was only a baby, an' you lived."

[Hmm... I do not see anything that contradicts the original story. The lightning bolt scar that is etched on my forehead is troubling though -- Probably the horcrux is still there -- Fuck! I feel contaminated...]

As he finished his speech, I could feel Hagrid's gaze on me. As I returned it by sending my own, I could not help but feel frustrated at the pity I could sense from those eyes.

[Shit! I hate people pitying me!]

Of course -- in my previous life, I was very good at poker, so my poker face should do wonders in keeping my emotions to myself.

Then Hagrid broke the eye-contact and continued staring into the fire. He was probably unaware of my anger as he went on with his story.

"Took yeh from the ruined house myself, on Dumbledore's orders. Brought yeh ter this lot..."

"Load of old tosh," said Uncle Vernon.

I sighed; I had almost forgotten that the Dursleys were there. Uncle Vernon certainly seemed to have got back his courage, along with his original countenance...

[A pity, I would most certainly be ready to give up almost anything to again meet with the only true colour of orange in nature. It's a privilage, you know? But there's still time. Where there is time hope exists, and where hope exists, there are still gentlemen like me biding their time for the long awaited arrival of their one and only... Fuck -- I did it again -- Focus!]

Uncle Vernon was glaring at Hagrid and his fists were clenched. Then he turned his attention to me.

"Now, you listen here, boy," he snarled, "I accept there's something strange about you, probably nothing a good beating wouldn't have cured -- and as for all this about your parents, well, they were weirdoes, no denying it, and the world's better off without them in my opinion -- asked for all they got, getting mixed up with these wizarding types -- just what I expected, always knew they'd come to a sticky end--"

But at that moment, Hagrid leapt from the sofa and drew a battered pink umbrella from inside his coat. Pointing this at Uncle Vernon like a sword, he said, "I'm warning you, Dursley -- I'm warning you -- one more word..."

[Come on Uncle Vernon! Please be brave! I want to see you writhe in agony so please, one more word!]

In danger of being speared on the end of an umbrella by a bearded giant, Uncle Vernon's courage unfortunately failed again; he flattened himself against the wall and fell silent.

[Tch, a pity-- maybe another time... Oh boy, I never knew I could be this vicious. I never once experianced hate to this level. It's not limited to just that, It's as if this body experiences every sort of human emotion to the extreme. Like the first time when I heard the voice of Hagrid, my heart was filled with serenity and affection for the half-giant. Although I liked the character Hagrid, It was not to the point of considering him as a precious friend.

Maybe I'm wrong -- Maybe all of this is just because of the over stimulation of my brain due to the unnatural circumstances that I found myself experiencing in such a short amount of time. Something not unlike the Suspention Bridge Effect, an effect that can even fool most people into believing that they are in love with a person in their close proximity due to their brain interpreting the heart-pounding feeling they are experiancing as a consequence of the unnatural situation they're in as love.]

"That's better," said Hagrid, breathing heavily and sitting back down on the sofa, which this time sagged right down to the floor.

[Oo Poor sofa -- I pray for your soul]

As I playfully prayed for the half-giant's latest victim mentally, I decided to continue asking questions as an eleven years old boy would normally do if he were in my shoes.

"But what happened to Vol-, sorry -- I mean, You-Know-Who?"

"Good question, Harry. Disappeared. Vanished. Same night he tried ter kill you. Makes yeh even more famous. That's the biggest myst'ry, see... he was gettin' more an' more powerful -- why'd he go?

"Some say he died. Codswallop, in my opinion. Dunno if he had enough human left in him to die. Some say he's still out there, bidin' his time, like, but I don' believe it. People who was on his side came back ter ours. Some of 'em came outta kinda trances. Don' reckon they could've done if he was comin' back.

"Most of us reckon he's still out there somewhere but lost his powers. Too weak to carry on. 'Cause somethin' about you stumped him that night Harry. There was somethin' goin' on that night he hadn't counted on -- I dunno what it was, no one does -- but somethin' about you stumped him, all right."

Hagrid looked at me with warmth and respect blazing in his eyes. It made me want to vomit.

[Only if he knew that I am not really 'Harry'... Only if he knew that it was 'my' mother who saved 'me'... I do not deserve the respect of Hagrid or any other in the magical world. It was my mother who saved the wizarding world, by sacrificing herself instead of choosing to live -- If anyone deserves the credit for saving the wizarding world, It is none other than MY mother. Now that I think about it, I do not think my mother, Lily, ever meant to save anybody that night. Anybody but her only son, me.]

Feeling a strange sense of warmness in my heart, I realized that there were tears in my eyes. As a young man who used to hate showing anybody his weak side, even now as a boy, I still hate it, so to quickly hide my eyes underneath my unruly hair, just pulling down a few strands of my hair and looking down was enough for the time being.

When I closed my eyes, I could see the overflowing feelings surface enough to fill the dam of my heart as they managed to put a huge dent on it, only to leak along with the tears from the darkest depths of my holy well of emeralds.

[How in the world can I feel the sadness of losing Lily and James to this degree even though they are not my parents? Can these new-found feelings that I deeply treasure are nothing more than just the effects of the Suspention Bridge? If it is, then how can I explain the fact that I am proud of my parents who sacrificed themselves for me? How can I explain that in my heart, I already accepted them as my beloved parents? Bullshit! That doesn't make any sense! I, who was living my worthless life as I pleased, always running away from reality, always finding excuses and blaming anybody but myself, always relying on my parents, pushing away my responsibilities on them, never commiting myself to any form of relationship -- even someone like me could see clearly that the things I'm feeling right now are nothing if not genuine! Could it be that -- what if...]

"Hagrid," I said darkly, still hiding my eyes from the world. "I think you must have made a mistake. I don't think I can be a wizard."

To his surprise, Hagrid chuckled.

"Not a wizard, eh? Never made things happen when you was scared or angry?"

[Yes -- Harry lives within me, just as I live within him. We are one and the same -- I do not know what force dragged me here or what's it's purpose in doing so. But as I already made it clear before -- I will embrace everything that this new life has to offer, along with the previous one that I have experianced.]

I finally straightined my posture and looked back at Hagrid, smiling, and saw that Hagrid was positively beaming at me.

"See?" said Hagrid. "Harry Potter, not a wizard -- you wait, you'll be right famous at Hogwarts."

But Uncle Vernon wasn't going to give in without a fight.

"Haven't I told you he's not going?" he hissed. "He's going to Stonewall High and he'll be grateful for it. I've read those letters and he needs all sorts of rubbish -- spell books and wands and--"

"If he wants ter go, a great Muggle like you won't stop him," growled Hagrid. "Stop Lily an' James Potter's son goin' ter Hogwarts! Yer mad. His name's been down ever since he was born. He's off ter the finest school of witchcraft and wizardry in the world. Seven years there and he won't know himself. He'll be with youngsters of his own sort, fer a change, an' he'll be under the greatest headmaster Hogwarts has ever seen, Albus Dumbled--"

"I AM NOT PAYING FOR SOME CRACKPOT OLD FOOL TO TEACH HIM MAGIC TRICKS!" yelled Uncle Vernon.

But he had finally gone too far. Hagrid seized his umbrella and whirled it over his head, "NEVER -- " he thundered, " -- INSULT -- ALBUS -- DUMBLEDORE -- IN -- FRONT -- OF -- ME!"

He brought the umbrella swishing down through the air to point at Dudley -- there was a flash of violet light, a sound like a firecracker, a sharp squeal, and the next second, Dudley was dancing on the spot with his hands clasped over his fat bottom, howling in pain. When he turned his back on them, I saw a curly pig's tail poking through a hole in his trousers.

Uncle Vernon roared. Pulling Aunt Petunia and Dudley into the other room, he cast one last terrified look at Hagrid and slammed the door behind them.

Hagrid looked down at his umbrella and stroked his beard.

"Shouldn'ta lost me temper," he said ruefully, "but it didn't work anyway. Meant ter turn him into a pig, but I suppose he was so much like a pig anyway there wasn't much left ter do."

I let out a helpless sigh.

[Now what you are doing is bullying...]

He cast a sideways look at me under his bushy eyebrows.

"Be grateful if yeh didn't mention that ter anyone at Hogwarts," he said. "I'm -- er -- not supposed ter do magic, strictly speakin'. I was allowed ter do a bit ter follow yeh an' get yer letters to yeh an' stuff -- one o' the reasons I was so keen ter take on the job."

"Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" I asked as I was slightly irritated by what the half-giant did to Dudley.

"Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wand in half an' everything. But Dumbledore let me stay on as gamekeeper. Great man, Dumbledore."

"Why were you expelled?" I pressed on.

"It's gettin' late and we've got lots ter do tomorrow," said Hagrid loudly. "Gotta get up ter town, get all yer books an' that."

He took off his thick black coat and threw it to Harry.

"You can kip under that," he said. "Don' mind if it wriggles a bit, I think I still got a couple o' doormice in one o' the pockets."

[You have got to be fucking kidding me!]


	3. I want to see her!

{Have you ever had that kind of experience where you try to do everything you can to sleep, take for example, from counting the imaginary sheeps in your imaginary farm to masturbating the shit out of yourself only to realise that no matter how tired you feel, you just fucking can't sleep?

Well, if you ever have, than you're not alone. Yours truly, that's right -- I, the freshly 'reborn' Harry James Potter, the 'Boy' Who Lived, just had that kind of experiance, though just a 'little' worse. By 'little', I mean much more than just a little -- like 'fuck me backwards' kind of little -- you get it...}

Right now, It was early morning and I just finished watching an owl's silhouette disappear in the distance, a melancholic expression on my facial features. My mind was too numb to even notice that Hagrid was trying to speak to me just as it was too numb to even notice that I was the one who payed the very same owl for the newspaper with the 5 knuts just as Hagrid ordered me to.

[Oh my god, why? Why is my penis so tiny!]

I cried for the umpteenth time in my head.

[It's almost as tiny as a clitoris! Well, of course not that tiny but no way puberty could make that much of a miracle! And even the medicine of thirty years ahead could not find a healthy solution to the problem, so -- is this my destiny?]

"Harry?" called the half-giant but it was futile. A gentleman's pride was at stake here, so excuse me for not giving you any attention. I already paid for your newspaper, that's got to count for something, right?

[Even my balls! No way were they this small in size when I was eleven in my previous world... Is it because I'm magical? Seriously, how the fuck in any sense is it magical owning a small tool? It would be a miracle if it...]

Suddenly, a light bulb flashed in my head and I let out a perverted smile that should definitely be hella creepy coming from an eleven year old boy, not that it would be any less creepier if it came from an adult for that matter.

[Wait a second -- yes! A Miracle! Only a miracle can save it -- my micro-soft-in-distress!]

"Everythin' allrigh' Harry?" A futile attempt to gain my attention...

"Kuhkuhkuhkuhahahahahahaha!" A sudden burst of hysterical; in some ways, villainous laughter escaped from my lips as I was in mad scientist mode, 'it's so cool'...

[I wonder -- magic -- if it can be utilized in a way to manipulate the growth and differentiation of cells, tissues or even organs... That way, I can find solutions to my gentlemen's pride, along with a bunch of life hacks like getting my eye-sight healed or even putting some kind of magical MP3 in my head that can play any song that I've listened till this day. I really like listening to music, even when I'm sleeping. I can not imagine a life without music so it is essential I do something about it. I can also do something about my hearing. For fucks sake, it is so sensitive I fear that one day it would be the end of me... But! I will not let that happen! No sir! Who am I? I'm a wizard! And not just any wizard, I'm Harry Potter, the only son of Lily and James Potter, both exceptional magicals in their own class. And there's also the experiance I've gained from my previous twenty years of life. So there's no way would I be mediocre and no way would I waste a life like this! For that, understanding of magic comes as a top priority! Well, not including a certain someone of course. She will always be in the toppermost place on my top list of priorities, period.]

Just as I was about to have a good laugh about my usage of a Beatles idiom, all of a sudden, I felt a slight pain on my left shoulder as the world came shaking down on me and everything seemed to be spinning in front of my eyes only to suddenly come to a stop the moment I felt my body on the ground. When I quickly became aware of my surroundings, I realised I was lying on the ground face-down with my elbow and forearms negating any serious damage that may have come from the fall. Probably while trying to regain balance, I unconciously managed to fall the same direction from where the blow came.

Hagrid was towering over me and looking at me in worry.

"Harry?" Hagrid inquired in a worried tone. It looked like he was really worried about something.

"Hagrid? What's wrong? What happened? Why did I fall?" I asked as I readjusted my glasses that was about to slip away due to the impact. Even though I already have a good guess, nevertheless I asked in a bewildered tone. He probably 'poked' me with his giant hand to gain my attention. No wonder I fell down...

[Shit, he's probably suspicious of my acting. Did I do something strange while in thinking mode? Shit! I should not have let my guard down! I did not fucking come to this world only to be fucking comprimised because of my penis! No wonder it is a dangerous tool... Yes, next time I should be more careful -- yes -- penis, dangerous -- careful...]

"What's wrong? Ye tell me! Well, actin' all weird ye were! Like in some kin' of evil spell!"

[Well, thank you for apologizing, there's really no need to feel sorry for pushing a fragile eleven year old down... Alright, it's time to play the emotion card! Puppy dog eyes, activate!]

As I got up from the ground and arranged myself to sit in seiza, I gazed up at Hagrid with my emerald green eyes, my head facing down and my hands on my knees -- tightly gripped...

"Oh -- sorry, I made you worried -- really," I said as I directed my gaze to my knees and went on, "I was just a little confused, and -- overwhelmed, I guess?" At the end of my sentence, I looked up at Hagrid with my head tilted slightly to the right, trying to appeal my innocence as much as possible, then I went on, "Until this day, I never thought I would be able to escape the Dursleys. Even though I go to school, because of my cousin Dudley's bullying, I never had any friends. Nobody dared to get close to me. So I guess I was a little excited to gain friends for the first time?"

I finished with an innocent smile. The words escaping from my lips were supposed to be lies that I said only to ease any suspicions that the not so bright half-giant may harbor but, for some reason, I could not feel guilty about fooling him. It's as if what I said came from the very depts of my heart.

Of course, Hagrid fell for it as there was no sign left of his previous unease. He even started crying.

I immediatly turned my face away from the half-giant and let out an evil smile just like a certain teenager who chanced upon a black note-book that had the power to kill anyone whose full name was written on it while taking into account the relevant person's face.

[Yes! Just according to plan!]

Thankfully the half-giant mistakenly thought that the reason I faced away was because I didn't want to show my face out of shame.

"I never though' ye were alone! Ter -- ter not even have any friends -- uhuuu!"

I immediatly covered my ears with my hands.

"Don' ye worry 'arry! I'll be yer friend!"

[Ugh -- too loud! I get it, ok? Thou shalt not make a giant cry... I will keep that in mind! So please, just shut up!]

Then as I got up on my feet, Hagrid pulled out the same dirty, spotted handkerchief that he used yesterday to blow his nose again with a foghorn sound much like yesterday's.

"Hagrid, it's okay. I'm okay. I will make lots of friends, alright? And I already consider you as a dear friend, ok?" Somehow I ended up being the one to comfort the giant this time.

"Ye mean it?" He sniffed and asked hopefully.

"Yeah, of course Hagrid. You are the one who told me wha -- who I am, and I am forever grateful for that," I finished as I smiled encouragingly at my new friend.

[You have no idea how much I mean that...]

"Alrigh'."

The beaming half-giant nodded his head, then with a resolute face repeated again.

"Alrigh'." As though convincing himself that everything will be alright.

He then briskly walked towards the shoe cupboard to retrieve his boots that he must have placed in some time before going to sleep.

[Oh thank god! I thought he was going to hug me!"

{Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against the half-giant, It's just that's I prefer less human contact, well in this case, half-giant contact.}

As he retrieved his boots, I was met with a shocking sight.

[Wow, that's gotta be the largest boots I've ever seen. Just look at the sheer size! Wonder if my head can fit in? I bet it would...]

"Alrigh' Harry. Best be off, lots ter do today, gotta get up ter London an' buy all yer stuff fer school," he said as he was pulling on his huge boots.

A sudden wave of excitement hit me as I thought of finally having my very own wand. It was my childhood dream to produce my very own patronus.

[I have to learn it! Wonder what animal it is? Wait, animal? Animagus! Yes, I should learn that too!]

"Okay let's go!" I replied enthusiasticly.

[Oh boy! I'm finally gonna do magic! I can't wait! I wonder if my wand will be the same? I hope so! But wait a minute! As far as I remember, the phoenix-holly wand of Harry's was especially good with powerful magic. But I think it would be better for me if I could have a wand that is better suited for complicated spells such as transformation as it would be easier for me to to do magic that manipulates my organs -- hmm...]

As we left the hut, I paused momentarily and inhaled the fresh scent of the open air which the wind brought just for me. I smiled in wonder, I was completely mesmerised by it.

[So this is the scent of my dreams, it smells like freedom -- freedom from my old life...]

I then briskly followed Hagrid to a place where a lonely wooden boat stood afloat. As we got closer, we noticed that there was a lot of water that had accumulated in the bottom of the boat, possibly due to the storm.

"Hagrid, how did you get here?" Although I already knew how Hagrid came, I still asked as it would be a reasonable thing to ask, with there being only a single boat as far as my eyes could see.

"Flew," said Hagrid.

"You can fly?" I asked sounding suprised.

"Yeah—but we'll go back in this. Not s'pposed ter use magic now I've got yeh."

[Then what about the Dursleys? They don't have any reason to stay in the hut anymore now that I'm out of their way. So they would need a boat to cross the water. Otherwise, they're stuck here till someone came for their rescue. And I don't think that would be any time soon considering the lack of any communication devices in the hut.]

I sigh in an exaggerated manner.

"Hagrid, what about the Dursleys?" I asked in a reproachful manner.

"What abou' them?" He asked clueless.

"Don't you think by using their boat, we are abondoning them here with no way left to return?"

Hagrid just nonchalantly waved his large hand and said, "jus' leave 'em there, serves 'em right."

I let out a sigh in a resigned manner. Than I gazed up at the sky in a dramatic mood.

[The sky is quite clear today, as opposed to yesterday.] I was running away from reality, the reality that all magicals, just like Hagrid here, lacked common sense. At least that was the impression I got from the series, which was definitely confirmed just now by the actions of the half-giant.

"It's time ter go Harry," At the half-giant's words, I sighed as I directed my tired gaze to the sea.

[And the blue sea gleams in the sunlight. I can sea a vast piece of land not too far from the island. What a wonderful view. I wish I had my cell phone so I could immortalize this wonderful moment, I could even take a selfie...]

"Harry?"

I sighed again then walked straight towards Hagrid who already got rid of the water in the boat and was just in the middle of untying the ropes that hold the boat.

[Shit, I wonder if I'm wasting my mental energy trying to act according to common sense. It appears that I will have to revise my acting from scratch.]

I sighed for the umpteenth time.

[It feels like every time a sigh escapes from this mouth, a small portion of my lifespan also goes along with it -- It would have been a worthwhile subject to research as a med student if I was still in my old world...]

As we finally settled down on the boat, I was staring at Hagrid, wondering what the half-giant would do next.

"Seems a shame ter row, though," said Hagrid, giving me another of his sideways looks.

[Hey I know that look! It's the look Hagrid gave me in the hut after he used magic to try to turn Dudley into a pig.]

"If I was ter—er—speed things up a bit, would yeh mind not mentionin' it at Hogwarts?"

[Figures...]

"Of course not," I was also eager to see more magic. And the fact that it would speed things up only added to the bonus.

[I just can't wait to be united with my wand at last -- I wish we were there already -- but when I think about it, It all seems like a dream. A very wonderful dream, but a dream nevertheless.]

Hagrid pulled out the pink umbrella again, tapped it twice on the side of the boat, and we sped off toward land.

[Is it just me or did it actually got a little colder the moment Hagrid tapped the boat. Strange...]

As there was no more conversation between us, I closed my eyes and entered into deep meditation as I opened all my senses to nature. It was something that I could do only when I feel relaxed. I used to meditate to quell the anxiety I occasionally felt when I was stressed out, usually just before my exams. Unfortunately, sometimes no matter what I do, I just can't enter the meditative state necessary for me to keep a clear head. That's why I couldn't sleep today as it was too stressful for me to relax.

[This feeling -- I can feel the wind on my face, when I try to smell it, the fresh scent of the sea attacks my senses. When I try to taste it -- hmm -- I am met with the appetising aroma of sea water that is reserved only for those select few with higher sense of taste. When I try to hear it -- the ever changing melody of the howling wind -- my sensitive ears were disappointed as they were used to music to go along with the voice of the nature. But it is okay. Because I have never felt this much alive.]

I opened my eyes only to discover that we were about to reach our destination as the land seemed much more vast and clearer than the last time I laid my eyes upon it.

[That's odd -- how can time fly by this quickly when the only thing that I did was meditate like I usually do, well this time felt a bit different but I don't think that is enough to explain it. Is it somehow related to my hightened senses? Or is magic somehow responsible for it?]

"Ye awake Harry?" the half-giant who was holding a newspaper in his hands, must have thought I was sleeping untill I opened my eyes.

"Yeah, I suppose -- I didn't get enough sleep today," I went along with the conversation as I saw the black and white moving pictures on the paper just as in the movie, and asked as I readjusted my glasses, "Is that the paper the owl brought?"

"Ye're right Harry. The Daily Prophet, 'tis the biggest newspaper in the wizardin' Britain." Then Hagrid's attention went back to the newspaper.

I gave a nod then went back to my musings. This time, I started to think about her.

[All I want right now is to see her... To see if she really walks this wonderful world, as it should only be wonderful if she is in it -- breathing the same air as me, be it rotten or fresh, there can be a life together -- as long as there is love, lies are just words, and as long as there is love, happiness lies not far away -- together we may reach it, or we may not, but so what? Maybe that is life? Maybe, that is -- love...]

The boat bumped gently into the harbor wall. Hagrid folded up his newspaper, and then clambered up the stone steps onto the street. I weakly followed suit.

Passersby stared a lot at Hagrid as we walked through the little town to the station, who could blame them? Not only was Hagrid twice as tall as anyone else, he kept pointing at perfectly ordinary things like parking meters and saying out oudly, "See that, Harry? Things these Muggles dream up, eh?"

I struggle to keep up with the over-enthusiastic half-giant. Even though I was enthusiastic myself at the begining as I now had a new life which I had coveted for a long time, my enthusiasm quickly evaporated since I started to think about her, enthusiasm replaced with longing, taking it's place. Longing for her, which led to further increase my unease about my family that I left behind. I had been avoiding to even think about it but ironically, It seems thinking about someone you are longing for can lead you to thinking about others -- those you long for despite you choosing not to -- It hit me really hard that probably I'm never going to see them again, much less inform them of my well-being.

[Was this the ultimate price -- of finally having my wish granted? Was this the price that I had to pay? Or am I just being over-dramatic here. Maybe I'm just here as an error in a vast system that doesn't care about it's inhabitants such as me. Then maybe I can even use magic to visit my world... Who am I kidding? Even if I succeeded finding a way to go there, how long would it even take? By then..."

I let out a sigh full of sorrow. As we finally reached the station, we learned that there was a train to London in five minutes' time. Hagrid, who didn't understand "Muggle money," as he called it, gave the bills to me so I could buy our tickets. As I was already a young adult with enough basic knowledge and experience to get shit done, It was relatively easy for us to make it in time for our ride.

People stared more than ever on the train. Hagrid took up two seats and sat knitting what looked like a canary-yellow circus tent.

"Still got yer letter, Harry?" he asked as he counted stitches.

I took the parchment envelope out of my pocket.

"Good," said Hagrid. "There's a list there of everything yeh need."

I unfolded a second piece of paper I hadn't noticed the night before, and read:

HOGWARTS SCHOOL of WITCHCRAFT and WIZARDRY

UNIFORM

First-year students will require:

1\. Three sets of plain work robes (black)

2\. One plain pointed hat (black) for day wear

3\. One pair of protective gloves (dragon hide or similar)

4\. One winter cloak (black, silver fastenings)

Please note that all pupils' clothes should carry name tags

COURSE BOOKS

All students should have a copy of each of the following:

The Standard Book of Spells (Grade 1) by Miranda Goshawk

A History of Magic by Bathilda Bagshot

Magical Theory by Adalbert Waffling

A Beginners' Guide to Transfiguration by Emeric Switch

One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi by Phyllida Spore

Magical Drafts and Potions by Arsenius Jigger

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them by Newt Scamander

The Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Protection by Quentin Trimble

OTHER EQUIPMENT

1 wand

1 cauldron (pewter, standard size 2)

1 set glass or crystal phials

1 telescope

1 set brass scales

Students may also bring an owl OR a cat OR a toad

PARENTS ARE REMINDED THAT FIRST YEARS ARE NOT ALLOWED THEIR OWN BROOMSTICKS

[Newt Scamander? He was the protagonist in the movie Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them -- I was looking forward for the second movie, a pity that I will most likely never get the chance to watch it, ever -- as this world is different from the one I came from, though how much different, I have no clear idea yet.]

I let out a depreciatory snort.

[The funny thing is, although I reread the series countless times, never once did it come to my attention that he had a textbook named exactly that: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. Well isn't life full of suprises, and what makes it even more surprising most of the time is the fact that we human beings are faulty creatures who always overestimate our capabilities and when our false sense of reality is in anyway challenged, we either don't acknowledge it, or acknowledge it only to get 'surprised' and focus more on the aspect of being surprised rather than on the reason that lead to the birth of the 'surprisement' in the first place. And the interesting thing is, we want to feel 'surprised', because having a monotone, constant sense of reality lacks the stimulus needed for the brain to function properly, so you can say that 'surprise' is just what the doctor ordered...]

As my pessimistic thoughts fed my melancholic mood, so too did my melancholic mood fed back my pessimistic thoughts. If I left them to their own devices, the neverending feedback loop may ruin my day so as a change of pace, I started to think about other things.

[I have never been to London before, I wonder if I could visit the hotspots, with a certain someone... It would definitely be a blast! I always had a deep interest in history so visiting such places with rich cultural heritage would be nice...]

I directed my gaze from out the window to the half-giant as I went on contemplating.

[Although Hagrid seemed to know where he was going, he was obviously not used to getting there in an ordinary way. He got stuck in the ticket barrier on the Underground for goodness sake and complained loudly that the seats were too small and the train's too slow. That giant really is a piece of work.]

I snorted as I shook my head helplessly.

As our boring train ride came to an end, we got out of the train and went on our way. Turns out the Londoners also feel that a giant such as Hagrid is highly uncommon. They're watching him as though he is some sort of new species -- well they're not that far off. And the loud way he speaks about weird things definitely is not helping his case.

"I don't know how the Muggles manage without magic," he remarked not so quietly as we climbed a broken-down escalator that led up to a bustling road lined with shops.

[So this is London in 90's...] I thought as I lightly stroked my chin with my right hand while supporting my right elbow with my left hand as my feet were in auto-pilot mode. Minus the feet part, this was my thinking mode that I developed in my old life from studying too much.

Hagrid was so huge that he parted the crowd easily; all I had to do was keep close behind him, so it didn't require much thinking to follow him. We passed book shops and music stores, hamburger restaurants and cinemas etc. The architecture of the pavements and the buildings were rich and the planning of the city was marvelous. With the right amount of added greenery, you would have yourself a dream city.

"This is it," said Hagrid, coming to a halt, "the Leaky Cauldron. It's a famous place."

[So we're here at last -- there is a very high probability of encountering Professor Quirell there so I should definitely not meet Professor Quirell's eyes with my own to avoid my mind from being read at all costs. I don't know what Voldemort could do if he learned of my identity. Maybe I better search for a book about occlumency -- It could come in handy.]

Leaky Cauldron, It was a tiny, grubby-looking pub. The people hurrying by didn't glance at it. Their eyes slid from the big book shop on one side to the record shop on the other as if they couldn't see the Leaky Cauldron at all.

[Probably a powerful notice-me-not charm was placed for muggles, or was it muggle repelling charm? I don't see the magic but somehow I can feel something from there. It is like the time Hagrid used magic, only stronger.]

I then walked towards the entrance of the pub. The closer I got, the stronger that feeling got.

The moment I entered the pub, I felt a strange tingling sensation around my body. The closest description would be that I've just submerged in water.

[Could this really be magic I'm feeling all around me? I guess it is. What a peculiar feeling, it's cold.]

The more I looked around, the more different the pub seemed from the movies. The Leaky Cauldron from my memories was a lot smaller in size, but the ambience is just as I remembered, it was very dark and shabby. A few old women were sitting in a corner, drinking tiny glasses of what I guess is some sort of wine. One of them was smoking a long pipe. [Smoking is bad for your health my lady, even if you are a witch.] A little man in a top hat was talking to the old bartender, who was quite bald and looked like a toothless walnut. [Hey Tom! Nice teeth! I was wondering, did your surname start with an r and end with an e? If so, then you are fired!] The low buzz of chatter stopped when we walked in. Everyone seemed to know Hagrid; they waved and smiled at him, and the bartender reached for a glass, saying, "The usual, Hagrid?"

"Can't, Tom, I'm on a special Hogwarts business t'day," said Hagrid, clapping his great hand on my shoulder and almost making me lose my balance just like this morning.

[This time it's the right shoulder...] I stole a quick glance at the source of my pain.

"Good Lord," said the bartender, peering at me, "is this—can this be—?"

[Oh yeah baby, Harry Potter in the flesh, now bow before me, Babylon!] I gave an innocent bashful look around me, sending the message that I'm a harmless, cute boy...

The Leaky Cauldron had suddenly gone completely still and silent.

"Bless my soul," whispered the old bartender, "Harry Potter… what an honor."

He hurried out from behind the bar, rushed toward me and seized my right hand, tears in his eyes.

"Welcome back, Mr. Potter, welcome back."

[Ugh -- I don't like intimate contact with strangers -- well, shaking hand isn't that intimate, but still...]

[What can an eleven year old boy say in these circumstances? Ugh, it's overwhelming.]

There wasn't anyone in the pub who was not looking at me. The old woman with the pipe was puffing on it without realizing it had gone out just like in the movie. Hagrid was beaming.

Then there was a great scraping of chairs that did wonders to my sensitive ears and the next moment, I found myself shaking hands with everyone in the Leaky Cauldron.

"Doris Crockford, Mr. Potter, can't believe I'm meeting you at last."

"So proud, Mr. Potter, I'm just so proud."

"Always wanted to shake your hand—I'm all of a flutter."

"Delighted, Mr. Potter, just can't tell you, Diggle's the name, Dedalus Diggle."

I shook hands again and again. Doris Crockford kept coming back for more.

[Fuck you Doris! If I ever turn to the dark side and decide to make a horcrux in the future, I will use you as my first. Be happy, this is a privilege I only reserve for the 'best'...]

Of course I don't show my true feelings as it would be highly suspicious.

[Don't want to make Voldemort jealous -- ah! Speak of the devil, the eunuch has appeared!]

And finally, the eunuch approaches. The very moment I took notice of him at the periphery of my vision, I immediatly donned my best innocent child persona.

[It is intriguing watching how Professor Quirell seems to fidget. He looks completely harmless. Apparently, this guy is a master con artist who is good at making others underestimate him. Maybe I have a thing or two to learn from him. Wonder if he'll teach me?]

All of a sudden a very bad feeling enveloped me. Not the scar, but something else. It was unlike anything I've felt. At least the magic that I felt when I entered the pub somewhat resembled that of a cold water. This one on the other hand... If there exists a feeling like bloodlust, then this has gotta be something very close to it.

[Fuck! I can feel it, he doesn't want to just kill me, he wants to destroy anything and everything that has to do with me. Then save me for last. Is this coming form Quirell or Voldemort? Well if it was coming form Voldemort, I would expect my scar to hurt, but it doesn't. Fuck! Somehow this is more terrifying. Anything that is different form the original plot spooks me out. Ugh! Why do I have these senses that Harry didn't? Or maybe he did but didn't give a fuck? Nonesense! Shit! I have to calm the fuck down, and fast -- or else...] I began to hyperventilate.

"Professor Quirrell!" said Hagrid. "Harry, Professor Quirrell will be one of your teachers at Hogwarts."

"P-P-Potter," stammered Professor Quirrell, "c-can't t-tell you how p-pleased I am to meet you."

[Come on! Get your shit together Potter! And don't look in his eyes!]

"W-what do you teach, P-professor Quirrell?" I asked, looking like what I was hoping to be a shy, curious boy. Though my voice came out a little too nervous...

"D-Defense Against the D-D-Dark Arts," muttered Professor Quirrell, as though challenging me to a duel of stuttering. "N-not that you n-need it, eh, P-P-Potter?" He laughed nervously. "You'll be g-getting all your equipment, I suppose? I've g-got to p-pick up a new b-book on vampires, m-myself." He looked terrified at the very thought.

I did everything I can to clear my head. 'Thankfully' the others wouldn't let Professor Quirrell keep me to himself. It took almost ten minutes to get away from them all. At long last, Hagrid managed to make himself heard over the babble.

"Must get on—lots ter buy -- come on, Harry."

Doris Fuckford shook my hand one last time, and Hagrid led me through the bar and out into a small, walled courtyard, where there was nothing but a trash can and a few weeds.

[Holy shit! I almost preferred Quirrel -- almost... Crowded places really drain the shit out of me, especially when I'm the reason of the said crowd. But thank goodness I didn't fuck things up, especially when I started hyperventilating during my conversation with Quirell...]

I shivered, then sighed in relief

Hagrid grinned at me.

"Told yeh, didn't I? Told yeh you was famous. Even Professor Quirrell was tremblin' ter meet yeh—mind you, he's usually tremblin'."

"Was he always like that?"

"Oh, yeah. Poor bloke. Brilliant mind. He was fine while he was studyin' outta books but then he took a year off ter get some firsthand experience… They say he met vampires in the Black Forest, and there was a nasty bit o' trouble with a hag—never been the same since. Scared of the students, scared of his own subject—now, where's me umbrella?"

[I don't remember ever seeing a vampire in the movie series -- I don't think even Voldemort employed them when he attacked Hogwarts -- or did he? Maybe in the books...] I stroked my chin as I lost myself deep within my thoughts.

As we passed through the back entrance of the Leaky Cauldron, we found ourselves in a small, walled courtyard with a dustbin.

As I followed after Hagrid, I was bombarded by a new wave of 'magic' from the wall where he was tapping certain bricks with his pink umbrella just like in the movie and finally, the last brick he had touched with his umbrella quivered, and as it wriggled, a small hole in the middle appeared—it magically grew wider and wider—a second later we were facing an archway large enough even for Hagrid, an archway onto a cobbled street that twisted and turned out of sight.

"Welcome," said Hagrid beaming, "to Diagon Alley."

I could not help the nostalgic wonder from appearing on my face. This was my childhood dream, to be a young wizard, shopping for my school supplies and having a good time with my firends,

[Oh my god! I really am here at last!]

Hagrid grinned at my amazement. The moment we stepped through the archway, my body shivered as if it was thrusted right into a deep-freeze.

[Well, at least I don't have to worry about excessive perspiration which I have suffered from in my previous life.]

I heard the wriggling sounds of bricks coming from behind me, I looked over my shoulder to see the archway shrink instantly back into solid wall.

Diagon Alley. It was a lively place with all kinds of people; from kids to elderly, wearing all kinds of weird robes.

[The magic, here is denser than that of the Leaky Cauldron, but not just that, there's much more variaty to the coldness I'm feeling.]

Not even five minutes passed since our arrival, but my neck was already aching as I was too engrossed in looking at anything that took my interest -- which were not rare. I turned my head in every direction as we walked up the street, trying to look at everything at once: the shops, the things outside them, the people doing their shopping. A plump woman outside an Apothecary was shaking her head as we passed, saying, "Dragon liver, sixteen Sickles an ounce, they're mad.

As we passed by the Apothecary, there were products such as Cauldrons—All Sizes—Copper, Brass, Pewter, Silver—Self-Stirring—Collapsible, with a hanging sign on them.

"Yeah, you'll be needin' one," said Hagrid, "but we gotta get yer money first."

[Yeah come to think of it, I'm supposed to be reasonably rich, thanks to my parents.]

A low, soft hooting came from a dark shop with a sign saying Eeylops Owl Emporium—Tawny, Screech, Barn, Brown, and Snowy.

[Now there's my hedwig!] As I spotted the familiar owl, I grew excited. [I hope Hagrid buys her just as he did in the original story — I will look after her.]

Several children had their noses pressed against a window with broomsticks in it. "Look at it," I heard one of them say, "the new Nimbus Two Thousand—fastest ever—"

[I can almost hear the soundtrack of this scene in the movie...]

We passed by the shops selling robes, shops selling telescopes and strange silver instruments I had never seen before, windows stacked with barrels of bat spleens and eels' eyes, tottering piles of spell books, quills, and rolls of parchment, potion bottles, globes of the moon…

"Gringotts," said Hagrid.

We had finally reached an oblique snowy white building that patheticly towered over the other little shops.

[The bank looks just as I remember — wonder why they built the building the way it is... These goblins really are a bunch of eccentric fellows.]

There were writings of warning that were handwritten with gold letters on the entrance door.

Enter, stranger, but take heed

Of what awaits the sin of greed,

For those who take, but do not earn,

Must pay most dearly in their turn.

So if you seek beneath our floors

A treasure that was never yours,

Thief, you have been warned, beware

Of finding more than treasure there.

[There will come a time that I will have to be that thief, as long as Voldemort exists...] I grimaced as I thought about it.

"Like I said, yeh'd be mad ter try an' rob it," said Hagrid.

[You have no idea...]

* * *

One roller coaster of a cart ride later I found myself feeling refreshed as I was standing just outside the bank with Hagrid, though the same can not be said about the half-giant. Right now I was rich!

"Might as well get yer uniform," said Hagrid, nodding toward Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions. "Listen, Harry, would yeh mind if I slipped off fer a pick-me-up in the Leaky Cauldron? I hate them Gringotts carts."

"Not at all -- take your time, I can manage," I said in a generous tone. Hearing this, Hagrid left for the direction we came from.

[I used to suffer from motion sickness too but this body really has it's perks, not only is it magical and is highly sensitive to stimulus, it also can withstand against high acceleration and deceleration. Now if only my 'little' thing too was — no! I'm not going through that road again! At least, not until I'm all alone and in a safe place.]

As I was just about to enter the shop, a thought made me realize that going in now would definitely not be such a good idea. I grimaced.

[Ugh, Draco Malfoy was here right? It would be a drag to have to deal with him. How about coming here after I get my other supplies?]

I then chose for my next destination to be Flourish and Blotts because it was the nearest shop to Madam Malkin's compared to others, also I could kill some time reading until Malfoy leaves.

But then as the sign that read Flourish and Blotts was just visible to me; in front of my eyes, I spotted a bushy brown haired silhouette about my height heading the same direction as me, then she entered the Flourish and Blotts

[No way — is that?]

I increased my pace and hurriedly walked till the sign that read Flourish and Blotts was right in front of me. Though I knew it would be too convenient to be true for her to be at the appropriate place at the appropriate time, still I could not help the feelings that had surfaced from my heart.

[I want to see her!]

I quickly entered the shop as I took in my surroundings. There were shelves that were stacked to the ceiling with books as large as paving stones bound in leather; books the size of postage stamps in covers of silk; books full of peculiar symbols and a few books with nothing in them at all. The place was relatively crowded for a book shop.

[I bet she is taking her time doing some 'light reading'] I smiled feeling nostalgic.

[Now how to find her... Finding her should not be difficult as this place isn't that big...]

I immediatly started my search and as expected, finding her did not take long. She was just by the counter. A blue covered book in hand, reading. She had her back to me so I could not see her visage but it was obvious, it had to be her.

[Now to start a conversation..]

"Excuse me," I called gently, my nervousness nearly causing me to stutter.

[I want to see her...]

At my interruption of her reading, she lowered the book she was reading and turned around to look at the cause.

As our eyes met, I couldn't find any words to say as there were none I could think of.

Then she brushed away her gorgeous hair and said in a slightly annoyed tone, "Yes?"


	4. There was no fourth time

* * *

— At my interruption of her reading, she lowered the book she was reading and turned around to look at the cause.

As our eyes met, I couldn't find any words to say as there were none I could think of.

Then she brushed away her gorgeous hair and said in a slightly annoyed tone, "Yes?"

* * *

{There are times when we follow our instincts regardless of whether it is rational to do so or not and when we do, most of the time we completely forgo our own integrity, losing some part of ourselves in the process only to eventually regain maybe just the fragments as the inevitable harsh truth strikes back at us — if we're lucky, we realise in the end what we put ourselves into, and then hopefully we can go back to somehow being a whole again, if only we can manage to survive the unending cycle of self-fulfilling prophecy that is — and here you are still believing that the sacrifice was worth it, aren't you? You fool...}

[No — It's not her...]

It was cold... In this place where I hoped would be our warm union, I felt dumbfounded with what I was confronted, in so many ways. Then came the painful feeling of shame, as it should... Why should it not?

I was ashamed to admit that she was not her. It was so obvious, how can I not notice the obvious colour difference... This woman had a much darker shade of brown hair — that much should be obvious to me at first glance.

[Yet I did such a mistake — isn't this an insult to my feelings? Was I that desperate?]

[Fuck!] I grimaced as I glared at the woman in front of me.

"Yes, brat?" She was a shorter than average middle-aged woman, and a really irritated one at that. Probably because of me glaring at her...

The instant she inquired, my features softened as I immediatly replied, "Oh — sorry, I thought you were someone I know. Have a nice day!" I nearly squealed in panic and immediatly left the woman alone, then pulled the school supply list out of my pocket and started looking for my things.

I was too distracted to even comprehend what my body was doing as I was lost deep in thought. 'I' got the copy of A History of Magic by Bathilda Bagshot from the shelf in front of me as I pondered over my feelings.

[Why am I feeling this anxious? It's as if I'm never going to meet her, ever... As if she's the only one in the series who doesn't exist in this world...]

Then the copy of The Standard Book of Spells (Grade 1) by Miranda Goshawk...

[What if it's true? What would become of me then? How can I survive — is there even any meaning for me to survive this world in the first place? Without my family, maybe I could manage, but without her...]

I immediatly stopped that train of hopeless thought. I was getting scared..

[I must see her!]

I frowned as I grasped my fists and resolved myself.

[I don't know her adress so all I can do is wait at the Dursleys until the train ride — a month — but that's too long — I just can't take it anymore! I have to find a way to stay in Diagon Alley even after Hagrid leaves and with any luck, I will meet her — of course only if she didn't buy her school supplies already — but there's no rule that says you can only visit Diagon Alley once, maybe if she decides to visit again... ]

I took a deep breath to calm myself.

[That's right. There's no way she doesn't exist. I will not accept such a depressing reality. Also it's not a thing to be emo about, about me mistaking someone as her I mean... Everybody makes mistakes... I will see her... Let's just focus on the here and now.]

At the instant I did focus on the here and now, I noticed that I was holding two heavy books underarm as my right hand was stretched towards another book called 'Magical Theory' written by Adalbert Waffling.

"How strange, and convenient..." I muttered, slightly dazed about my newly-discovered enhanced 'auto-pilot' mode as I picked the book and placed it together with the other two while inspecting whether I picked all of them correctly in the process by checking the list in my left hand.

Not even five minutes later, I got all my required books for school which were pretty easy to find as they were placed conveniently for all to see...

[Probably because of the high demand for school books at this time of year...]

I then started my search that has anything to do with occlumency and permanent transfiguration. I didn't want to ask anyone for help with the search because I didn't want to risk finding myself in a spectacle like that in the pub again, also Hagrid's not here and it just so happens that I'm not that good at asking for help... Childhood trauma, still hunts me to this day...

[I can't risk people finding out who I am and thereby ruining my day. I can already hear people talking about the-boy-who-lived sighted in Leaky Cauldron so I don't think even hiding my scar with my forelocks would be enough for some people to not recognize me — it's a good thing that the woman I had mistakenly assumed was 'her' didn't notice anything as I doubt it that my forelocks were successfully covering my scar at that instance as I was in a disheveled state... I still am actually, so better keep a low profile...]

I adjusted my forelocks so that they were aligned in a way to appear denser where the scar is, hopefully hiding it. A sigh escaped me, feeling relieved that I was 'safe' for now, then went on searching...

When I couldn't find the books that I was looking for I decided to try the second floor and thankfully, after some meticulous searching which took me about an hour, there I found the books I was looking for. But they were not displayed on the shelves, instead they were stacked with a bunch of books on the ground. One was a seemingly very old book about occlumency named 'Occlum-Encyclopaedia' and the other one was a book about healing magic called 'Basic Magicure' by Theresa Woodman. Apparently healing can manipulate the growth of cells permanently so I thought it was a good place to start.

"I wonder who wrote this one..." I wondered out loud as I was scrutinizing the Occlum-Encyclopedia.

There was no mention of the author... Is it because they wanted to maintain anonymity? Or is it because the font wore out?.]

I thought as I further analyzed the cover of the book and it's pages. I then shook my head.

[Not likely, the latter possibility requires too much of a coincidence as there doesn't seem to be any sign of wearing out other than the name of the author if there was any to wear out in the first place. Probably the first... But why would an author not choose to use even a pen name if anonymity was that important? I don't get it.]

I gave up thinking too much into it then put the book on top of the school books which I previously placed on the ground as they were heavy enough to hinder my search.

As I was just about to put the other one which I was holding as well, something about the book in my hand caught my attention.

[Wait, is this — made of silk? Interesting...]

The Basic Magicure book had a silky texture as it's cover complimented my fingers with a nice and smooth velvety sensation. Not just the cover, even the pages too were similarly silky and thin... I fear if I'm not careful, I would hurt myself while reading this — better be careful. This book must be really expensive...]

I was slightly worried for my not so unlimited funds.

"Man, the streets are as crowded as ever — hmmm, better hurry..." I mumbled as I took in the view of the Alley from a window on the second floor. I feared Hagrid might panic and cause a ruckus if he didn't find me in Madam Malkin's...

I then went to the cashier on the first floor to pay for the books. Though the shop was crowded, not many people were on the line so it wasn't long before it was my turn to pay for my purchases.

As I left the shop with my hands full with books towering up all the way to my chin, I went on my way without taking heed to my surroundings as my chin was used specifically to hold the books still. I was really struggling to carry these books. Should have just waited for the brat to leave...

[Ugh... ten books are my limit... Eight of them were on the list, didn't cost more than ten galleons altogether but the other two really emptied my pockets — Fifty gold galleons for fucks sake! Just the two of them!]

I was about to cry...

[Relax, I still got a considerable amount... Come to think of it, if I had Hagrid with me I might have even bought a few more books about transfiguration... But on second thought, that would have not been such a good idea — to frivolously spend all my fortune buying every seemingly necessary book that I come across without even a shred of guarantee that the books will be useful in the first place. Better do things one step at a time. That's the wise decision, I think?]

Again, I was not aware where my legs were taking me but it didn't bother me in the slightest. I trust my legs okay? I really do, you should too!

[First, what do I need the most right now? To see her — not that you idiot! Hmm, if I had something like a small magical bag that lets me store many of my goods without any additional burden... What was it called again? Extendable bag? Possibly? That should not be cheap... Better save my money for that bag...]

I was tempted to shop for an extendable bag, possibly a trunk as well but then decided against it as I had to first search for the place that actually sells it and also there was no certainty when Hagrid would come and get me from where he left me.

[So I better get to that robe shop fast — I hope the snotty brat is not still there...]

"Ugh — these books are really heavy, especially for an eleven year old..." My hands full, I grumbled as I noticed a sign that read 'Madam Malkin's' was just ahead of me.

I entered the establishment while taking note of my surroundings. The interior of the place was mostly victorian in design — a dark atmosphere that seemed to take me to a different era from the moment I entered through the door...

"How spacious..." I muttered appreciatively as I gazed around my surroundings.

I was marveled about the place, it really had a certain charm to it. The magic here felt the same as of the Alley's so there must not be any additional magic source here.

As I was in the middle of appreciating an interesting piece of artwork made of ebony wood, a mauve figure suddenly appeared in my field of vision so I quickly turned to face the entity.

[That must be the Madam Malkin I presume? She really seems squatty for a middle-aged woman. I remember magicals having longer lifespans... Perhaps she's a granny? But she still had some traces of her youth on her smiling face — she was definitely pretty in her prime...]

"Hogwarts, dear?" she asked smiling at me, "Come here and let's get your size," she indicated towards the back of the shop with her head where there were a pair of footstools which were currently empty.

I nodded my in affirmation as I followed the woman. There were only the two of us in the large room.

"Could you please put your belongings on the table," she indicated a small mahogany table.

After I did as she asked, she continued, "And stand on the footstool over there dear,"

I again did as I was asked and got on the stool. Then the woman slipped a long black robe over my head and started to pin it to the appropriate length as I closed my eyes and again lost myself in deep contemplation.

[Life is strange... At least it is so for me considering what I've been through in a single day — a single day that amounts to a lifetime... Who would have thought that a normal young adult such as myself somehow finds himself in an 'imaginary' magical world, as the main character no less. Everything that I know of, everything that I'm familiar with — my sense of reality has been crumbled to pieces... My family — I'm never going to see them again will I?]

I was increasingly feeling melancholic.

[This feeling — I feel homesick... There is no home for me here, at least there isn't one yet if I'm being positive. I doubt Hogwarts would be such a place for me because I already had a cozy home in my previous life, unlike the Harry of the series who viewed Hogwarts as a safe heaven from the Dursleys, so it would be hard for me to embrace it as my home even though I had fantasies about living at Hogwarts.]

[I feel alone...] I sighed.

I was already alone mind you but this is much more different... Much more intense... As if I'm an astronaut hovering around earth, gazing absent-mindedly at it's ever spinning gigantesque silhouette, with it covering my field of vision completely, neither getting closer, nor getting farther away — having no hope of ever returning back again, resigned to fate, wishing my life-support unit quickly depletes so that I could die already, to be freed at last from this agonizing feeling called loneliness.

"That's you done, my dear," said the squatty woman as she put the robe in a black package handing it to me.

"Thank you" I said, my face as expressionless as my best poker face.

I then paid for the robe and got out of the establishment with the books and the robes... I searched for the imposing silhouette of Hagrid but couldn't see him anywhere.

"What? He's still not here? Just — great!" I complained impatiently.

[But wasn't I the one that told him to take his time? Should I get back inside and wait there or...]

I put my belongings on the ground near the entrance and waited for the half-giant to arrive. After about half an hour, as I was leaning on a wall reading the book about magical theory, the familiar rough voice that definitely belonged to Hagrid announced it's presence, interrupting my reading.

"'ey Harry! Got your books a see. Yer robes?" Hagrid loudly announced to the public...

[Hagrid please, be louder so that the whole London can hear us! Come on!]

I grimaced as I looked around my surroundings for any who might have taken notice but thankfully, the common magical folk were minding their own business.

I was inclined to reproach the giant but decided against it as I already decided to keep a low profile. So I just showed him the package that contained my school robes.

The half-giant nodded his head then cleared his throught.

"Allrigh'," he said enthusiastically.

He then took the books from my hands and stuffed them in his magical coat pocket.

"Ye like ice-cream Harry?"

"Yeah I do." I nodded my head as I just noticed I hadn't eaten anything for hours... I didn't even have breakfast...

Then we went to Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour. I chose the chocolate flavored ice-cream as it was my favourite.

When I tasted it, I was overwhelmed by the exquisite taste of chocolate. It was the tastiest thing that I've ever tasted. It was even enough to raise my dampened spirits.

[Wow, delicious!] I quickly devoured it in less then five minutes. Of course, from the moment we left for the ice-cream parlor, I didn't neglect secretly searching for her. And this time I was prepared and didn't do the same mistakes again though there were a few cases where I was a little excited that I might have found her, unfortunately all of them proved to be false...

* * *

Half an hour later just outside the apothecary...

As we finished our business at the apothecary, Hagrid checked the list again.

"Just yer wand left—oh yeah, an' I still haven't gotten yeh a birthday present."

"You don't have to—" I said out of reflex as I didn' like receiving gifts in my previous life. Though I want Hedwig, I can buy him myself after Hagrid leaves...

"I know I don't have to. Tell yeh what, I'll get yer animal. Not a toad, toads went outta fashion years ago, yeh'd be laughed at—an' I don' like cats, they make me sneeze. I'll get yer an owl. All the kids want owls, they're dead useful, carry yer mail an' everythin'.

I sighed then nodded. There's no way I could convince him as it seems that he waited very long for this day.

[Let's just play along.]

"Just Ollivanders left now—only place fer wands, Ollivanders, and yeh gotta have the best wand."

[A magic wand… this was what I had been really looking forward to — well, not at the moment as I was still worried about her...]

The shop was narrow and shabby. Peeling gold letters over the door read Ollivanders: Makers of Fine Wands since 382b.c. A single wand lay on a faded purple cushion in the dusty window.

[Just as I remembered... What would the child me feel if he knew that he would eventually get his very own wand from Ollivanders one day... I bet he — the gullible that he was — would be quite the excited puppy...]

I smiled bitterly.

"Ye go get yer wand Harry. I'll get yer present." He was really enthusiastic. As I thought, he must have waited for this day for a very long time...

A tinkling bell rang somewhere in the depths of the shop as I stepped inside. It was a narrow but long room, as it highly resembled some kind of a shoe library what with the boxes and all; I took a deep breath as I was bombarded with some peculiar sensation not unlike when I first entered Diagon Alley, but much more mysterious...

[I wonder whether Hogwarts has a much more concentrated magic... Would I be able to get used to it if it has?

A couple of scenes from the movie popped up and played in my mind as I gazed at the thousands of narrow boxes piled neatly right up to the ceiling.

[I will meet with my wand at long last...]

The very dust and silence in here was hardly enough to camouflage the mysterious magic that I interpreted with my senses, like a peculiar aroma of drink that has it's very own unique taste which I definitely never had the privilege of experiencing before...

My magic connoisseur-mode was interrupted by a soft male voice which I was familiar with from the movie...

"I wondered when I would be seeing you Mr.Potter,"

[How nostalgic...] I thought as an involuntary smile formed on my lips, then turned my head to the source of the familiar voice.

It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wand. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wand for charm work."

Olivander was standing before me, his wide, pale eyes shining like moons through the gloom of the shop.

[Whenever I see a familiar character, my hope that she exists in this world rises — as if it increases the chances of her existing in this world.]

"Hello," I said enthusiasticly.

Mr. Ollivander then moved closer to me. I was slightly creeped out of those silvery eyes as if they were trying to scan my very soul. So I avoided his eyes immediately and looked to a random spot on my right as I felt more comfortable this way.

"Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wand. Eleven inches. Pliable. A little more power and excellent for transfiguration. Well, I say your father favored it—it's really the wand that chooses the wizard, of course."

Mr. Ollivander had come so close that I seriously assumed he was gonna kiss me on the cheek . I backed away a little to regain my personal space.

[Sorry, I'm not into old dudes, especially creepy ones... My mamma told me to avoid uncles such as yourself, don't get it personal.] I thought feeling awkward.

"And that's where…"

Mr. Ollivander touched the lightning scar on my forehead with a long, white finger. It was so unexpected that I couldn't do anything to stop it. My body froze as his cold finger traced small lines around my scar.

[How rude! Not to mention creepy... An English gentleman should know better...] I was still avoiding looking in his eyes...

"I'm sorry to say I sold the wand that did it," he said softly. "Thirteen-and-a-half inches. Yew. Powerful wand, very powerful, and in the wrong hands… well, if I'd known what that wand was going out into the world to do…"

He shook his head.

"Hmmm," said Mr. Ollivander, even though I'm avoiding his eyes, I still can feel him giving me a piercing look. "Well, now—Mr. Potter. Let me see." He pulled a long tape measure with silver markings out of his pocket. "Which is your wand arm?"

"I'm right handed," I replied as I faced the old wandmaker.

"Hold out your right arm then. That's it." He measured me from shoulder to finger, then wrist to elbow, shoulder to floor, knee to armpit and round my head. As he measured, he said, "Every Ollivander wand has a core of a powerful magical substance, Mr. Potter. We use unicorn hairs, phoenix tail feathers, and the heartstrings of dragons. No two Ollivander wands are the same, just as no two unicorns, dragons, or phoenixes are quite the same. And of course, you will never get such good results with another wizard's wand."

After he was done measuring me, he left the tape measure crumpled into a heap on the floor as Mr. Ollivander was flitting around the shelves, taking down boxes.

"That will do," he said, and "Right then, Mr. Potter. Try this one. Beech-wood and dragon heartstring. Nine inches. Nice and flexible. Just take it and give it a wave."

I took the wand and then waved it around a bit, but Mr. Ollivander snatched it out of my hand almost at once.

[That didn't happen in the movie. What about the book? Hmm, I think it did happen like so in the book...]

"Maple and phoenix feather. Seven inches. Quite whippy. Try—"

I tried—but I had hardly raised the wand when it, too, was snatched back by Mr. Ollivander.

"No, no—here, ebony and unicorn hair, eight and a half inches, springy. Go on, go on, try it out."

I tried. And tried. I had a very good idea what Mr.Ollivander was waiting for as I too was expecting it. The pile of tried wands was mounting higher and higher on the spindly chair, but the more wands Mr. Ollivander pulled from the shelves, the happier he seemed to become.

"Tricky customer, eh? Not to worry, we'll find the perfect match here somewhere—I wonder—yes, why not—unusual combination—holly and phoenix feather, eleven inches, nice and supple."

Even before I took the wand, I felt a sudden warmth in my body. As I took it in my right hand, I felt my whole body stupified from pain -- the pain from being scorched to the bone -- I couldn't even scream out loud.

[Holy shit!] I screamed inside my head.

A strange pattern shimmered over my hand up to my elbow, as the pain lessened.

[Is that runes? I could feel itself -- the wand -- etching itself on me...]

As if to mark me as it's property, trying to make me it's slave... A feeling of ecstasy not unlike that of an orgasm enveloped me as I, 'the slave for it's power' was just about to submit myself to it, like everybody else who owned a wand. Or rather the other way around, their wands owned them. In my case, the only difference being I was aware of it. I could feel it... I was wanting it more and more, the power it had promised... Just as I was in the last phase of the ritual of my submission, I remembered who I was and I suddenly came to my senses!

[Like hell! In the first place, how do you expect 'me' to do that? The right way to use this so-called magic should not be like this! It has to be much more elegant... I will not be your damn servant, much less a slave!]

Containing the fluttering in my chest, I resolved myself and used all of my will power to dominate the bewildered aggressor who didn't expect any kind of resistance coming from the likes of a mere 'wizard'.

It could not accept the insolence of such a lowly being for having the audacity of trying to bend itself to his will.

An unprecedented example of an execution of a powerful bond that surely had no such examples, one the likes of which had never even existed before... In this mysterious room filled to the brim with ancient magic...

[I could feel it!]

Then I — with great difficulty and willpower — raised the powerful but conceited wand above my head, as if to say no to it's audacity to dominate me, forcefully swishing it down through the dusty air. A vast stream of angry red and pure gold beams of light shot from the end, so as to show it's defiance to it's one and only master. The small beams of light then harmlessly ricocheted off the walls, creating a spectacular scene of a banquet of red and gold all around the old dusty room. It was a sight to behold. Mr. Ollivander cried, "Oh, bravo! Yes, indeed, oh, extroardinary! Well, well, well… how curious… how very curious…"

[He doesn't seem to notice the abnormality that just occured. Good. Wouldn't blame him as probably nobody is or has ever been as sensitive to magic as me... Just an other worlder's hunch.]

[I now understand why Olivander profusely repeated his catchphrase; The wand chooses the wizard... I feel it's because it is in the nature of wands to want to find a suitable servant for their own self-interest... I don't yet know what they stand to gain by bonding with a wizard or a witch, but it is pretty clear to me that wands are very much like sentient beings...]

[This makes Olivander and the likes of him that delve into wandlore some kind of god I suppose... No wonder they prefer being vague... But what do I know? The only one I know of is Olivander.]

He tried to take my wand to put back into its box but I refused, "Sorry, but wouldn't it be alright for me to to carry it with me at all times? So, I don't think there's any need for a box ." I said quickly, feeling panicked. This is just a hunch based of the series but, I strongly suspect that if Olivander touches my wand, he would realise something odd and try giving me another wand just to be safe.

[I can not take the chance of him finding out that the wand is at odds with me. This wand is really powerful. No way am I going to hand it over so easily. I also have the sadistic desire to torment it till it bows it's head to me. I feel I can be really powerful with this wand, for power was something which I have coveted for a long time.]

"That's quite alright my boy, but you should remember not to use magic outside of school as there is an underage restriction," he said graciously yet still muttering, "Curious… Very curious..."

"Sorry," I said, "but what's curious?" I repeated the exact words as the Harry in the series said, but with more uneasiness seeping from my voice as I was worried that he might suspect something — wouldn't want anyone to know what transpired between my wand and me just now...

[It's private and I'm a private person.]

Mr. Ollivander fixed me with his pale stare. I was still not looking at his eyes.

"I remember every wand I've ever sold, Mr. Potter. Every single wand. It so happens that the phoenix whose tail feather is in your wand, gave another feather—just one other. It is very curious indeed that you should be destined for this wand when its brother—why, its brother gave you that scar."

I sighed.

[That's a relief.]

"Yes, thirteen-and-a-half inches. Yew. Curious indeed how these things happen. The wand chooses the wizard, remember… I think we must expect great things from you, Mr. Potter… After all, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named did great things—terrible! Yes, but great..."

[No matter how creepy he is, you can not deny — Mr.Olivander has style...] I thought right after Olivander was done speaking. I was mystified by the old wizard's speech even though I've already heard it countless of times.

Then a tapping sound accompanied by a familiar "Harry!" came from just outside of the window.

"Harry! Happy birthday!" The compressed voice of the enthusiastic giant on the other side of the window really brought the dim atmosphere of the room up.

[There's Hedwig!]

I beamed at the snowy white owl which was observing me with suspicious yellow eyes from it's cage which Hagrid was holding, as if to judge whether I'm worthy to be it's owner or not.

[There you are...]

I was happy to see the loyal owl who would one day sacrifice itself for it's beloved owner.

[Hopefully that day never comes... This wonderful creature is mine now!]

I then took seven gold Galleons from my pocket to pay for my wand, as was the price for all wands for Hogwarts students.

Mr. Ollivander bowed me from his shop. I was too distracted to put any effort to reciprocate since I spotted the snowy white owl. I took the cage from Hagrid then opened it so that the snowy owl and I can have some quality bonding time between pet and owner.

* * *

The late afternoon sun hung low in the sky as Hagrid and I made our way back down Diagon Alley, back through the wall, back through the now empty Leaky Cauldron, all the way to the Paddington station. I didn't speak at all as we walked down the road; I didn't even notice how much people were gawking at us on the Underground, laden as we were with all our funny-shaped packages, with the snowy owl asleep in its cage on my lap. Up another escalator, out into Paddington station; I only realized where we were when Hagrid tapped me on the shoulder.

"Got time fer a bite to eat before yer train leaves," he said as we were walking aimlessly.

"No thanks Hagrid, I'm full." I said absent-mindedly.

"You all right, Harry? Yer very quiet," said Hagrid.

"Nothing, just a little worried about my future that's all. It's like I'm never going to get used to the magical world..." I replied sincerely.

"Don' you worry, Harry. You'll learn fast enough. Everyone starts at the beginning at Hogwarts, you'll be just fine. Just be yerself. I know it's hard. Yeh've been singled out, an' that's always hard. But yeh'll have a great time at Hogwarts—I did—still do, 'smatter of fact."

I was just about to thank the half-giant when he urgently said, "Blimey, is that the time?"

Hagrid then handed me the ticket back to the Dursleys along with an envelope.

"Yer ticket fer Hogwarts," he said indicating the envelope. "First o' September—King's Cross—it's all on yer ticket. Any problems with the Dursleys, send me a letter with yer owl, she'll know where to find me… See yeh soon, stick to it Harry that's very important, stick to your ticket."

Then the half-giant disappeared without a trace just like in the movie, leaving me alone with my trolley.

[Can Hagrid use apparition? With that umbrella of his even... I didn't see him wave his umbrella at all... Maybe he used a portkey... Anyways — good... Now let's get back to the pub!]

I folded the envelope to put it in my pocket and threw the ticket in a random bin as I would rather eat rats than go to the Dursleys, then got a taxi back to the Leaky Cauldron which was thankfully still empty, aside from Tom the Barman of course.

Tom was kind enough to be considerate of my privacy as he promised to keep it a secret that I was staying in the pub. He reserved a nice little room for me. He also helped me with my things as he used a locomotor charm to carry them to the room. He was very generous, I was put into a difficult spot as he refused to accept any payment from me. But nevertheless, there was nothing I could do but accept it with gratitude as I was in need of as much money as possible.

[Ugh... I wish I had my Gringotts vault key with me but no matter what I tried, Hagrid was adamant about not handing it to me. It's my goddamn key damn it! Treating me like a child...]

After I was left alone in my temporary abode, I took a look around room. With a comfy brown covered twin sized bed, it was a modest room with it's very own bathroom which contained a small white bathtub.

[Oh, it feels like ages since I've last had a nice hot bath... I am used to taking baths frequently so this is a god sent for me.]

After taking a relaxing bath; with an ironic feeling of being newly reborn, I let out a long and tired yawn, then without putting any clothes on, I went to bed. The moment I put my head on my comfy pillow I handed myself to Morpheus for the first time in this new life.

* * *

September the first, Leaky Cauldron

A month has passed since I began staying in this pub. Right now I can say with confidence that I'm still struggling to get used to this eleven year old body — there were so many things about it that were too weird for me that it took a time frame of no less then two weeks to just get used to only a few of them, the differences compared to my old body is just too great... There are also other matters.

For starters, I could not feel the magic inside me like I felt the magic in my surroundings. When I concentrated hard enough by meditating, I could tell that I have magic but interestingly it feels like the water, neither does it smell nor have a certain taste... Just like water, it is of vital importance to my body — at least, I feel it is so...

The second matter is, I've realized that I'm less intelligent compared to my old self. In my previous life, I didn't have a very good memory but I did have high analytical intelligence. Unfortunately, now it takes much more time for me to establish new connections and reinforce the old ones in my brain, you can say that my brain processes information much more slowly now so learning new things despite having a younger brain is much harder...

Also no matter how much I try, I can't do magic properly. Whenever I try to do one, my wand refuses to obey my command. Only Lumos and Nox works but aside from those, nothing works...

Apart from that, I also finished the occlumency book and all I can say is that it was a waste of money. Without someone using legitimancy, it is of no practical use whatsoever, no matter how many times I meditate for it, doesn't mean shit. Leaving aside the problem of me finding a person I could trust with using legilimancy on me, I could not even find a book about legilimancy in the first place. So it is a no go for the time being.

* * *

Right now it's early morning and I've just woken up, in the bathroom glaring at myself in front of the mirror...

"Fuck! I feel stupid... How could I not think of that before? I can't believe I just realised that I could have easily confirmed whether she exists or not just by visiting Olivanders and asking the guy if he remembered a certain girl... That man claims that he doesn't ever forget a wand that he sells, along with the person who he has sold the wand to. Fuck! I could have easily made up something to gain the information from the creepy old man, of course had I not been stupid that is... What is wrong with my brain? Did something happen to it when I possessed it or is it just the reality of this body..." I whined, feeling depressed.

The first few days were especially hard on me as I again caused a few more minor spectacles not unlike the one in the book store, in fact probably much worse. Since then, I frequently found myself talking to myself in the mirror after a long fruitless day of searching for her...

The only consolation I feel about myself is that now I knew that I would be especially handsome when I grow up. My voice as well is not that bad for the ears either but you never know what the infamous puberty could do to one's voice, even if it was once angelic, puberty will most probably rip that angel's wings apart and there's nothing you can fucking do to stop it, well — magic, maybe?

In my previous life, I really had a beautiful voice when I was a kid, I was even chosen for the choir in the midterm festival. But then the puberty came... And with one savage strike transformed my wonderful voice into what must definitely be that of a goblin's, from Middle-Earth I presume... Never again would it be the same... my voice... Well, not if I have anything to do about it! What's magic for?

I gazed at my fired up self in the mirror, then sighed tiredly. I was sick and tired of feeling like shit. Even though today is the big day for me to see if she really exists, it very much feels like she will not be there.

[I guess I'm really tired...]

I then washed my face to refresh myself. As I could eat on the train if I wanted to, I didn't feel the need to ask Tom to prepare me something.

There was still an hour till the train takes off so I packed all my belongings in my magical bag that I bought from Knocturn Alley...

I shivered involuntarily as I remembered the most dangerous experience that I had in my whole life...

Knocturn Alley... Who could have thought a bag such as this is not for sale in Diagon Alley but in Knocturn Alley instead... One thing I learned is this: I would be crazy to ever again enter there until I am at least in my twenties...

A hundred and fifty gold galleons for a single bag would seem like a rip-off but I think it deserves to be that expensive. Not only does it have a space of two meter square, It also negates the weigh of the things you put in it. It's opening also expands enough to put in Hedwig's cage. Also the one who sold it does business with a variety of peculiar people so it was not that problematic for me to disguise myself in a long black cloak I bought from a second hand shop while buying the bag.

I then packed all of my things including Hedwig's cage in my magical leather bag then put on the cloak to protect my anonymity until I'm out of this pub.

[Man I really want that invisibility cloak now...]

Only Tom the Barman knows of my identity... I think he is a person I could trust...

I asked him if I could use floo powder to go to my destination but unfortunately I learned that there was no floo network to King's Cross.

[I guess there is no flooing my way to King's Cross... Got to go the old way then...]

As there was nothing left to be said, I said my goodbyes to the barman who wished his best for my new school year.

I exited the pub to the muggle world. The lack of magic certainly put a damp on my spirit which was already at it's record low. I seem to have somehow gotten used to the magical environment.

When I exited the pub, my eyes fell onto a black Austin that had just brought it's customers to their destination.

I rushed for the taxicab then we set off for King's Cross. The ride was okay as it gave me the opportunity to get acquainted with the city itself. Then as we reached our destination, I paid for the ride. The taxi driver was sceptical at first just like the other one, even tried to question me for my parents but I managed to come up with something that managed to shut him up.

[Thank god I've got some muggle money with me... Thank you mom and dad.]

I then got off the taxi only to be met with the imposing building in front of my eyes. The structure itself was historic, probably a century old or even older...

I then went into the station and easily found my way in front of the dividing barrier between the two platforms, nine and ten.

My heart beat just got faster. I then hurried for the wall, half expecting myself to crash... But thankfully I went through it to the platform nine and three quarters, as I did, I was again bombarded with magic similar to the one as I entered the Leaky Cauldron. It was somehow refreshing.

[I'm here at last...]

The platform was pretty crowded as the train was about to take of. While the older students were mostly talking with their friends and minding their own business, the younger ones were mostly with their parents —hugging each other — some even crying...

"Shit... For some reason, it pains me to watch this scene" I muttered as I was looking at the children hugging their beloved parents.

[Better get on quickly...]

I got on the train and looked for the furthest empty compartment I could find, away from all the noise. Of course I didn't neglect searching for her along the way.

I then found a suitable one and entered it. Out of my magical bag I took the cage and opened it to let Hedwig get some fresh air.

"Hey girl. Why don't you go there ahead of me eh?"

The snowy owl flapped her wings in approval then flew off through the open window and disappeared into the distance, I looked out from the compartment window to view the people but most importantly, to see if I can see her...

So far I couldn't find her so I was still anxious... The longer it takes for us to meet, the more I begin to feel worried. Especially today when I will once and for all learn if she exists or not...

[Relax man, be patient. Don't want to make the wrong first impressions by being weird. Do something to take your mind of things.]

"Right! A book! Why didn't I think of that? I probably should be reading a book when she first sees me — as a fellow bookworm, we can have a quality time... But first, let me take out my Hogwarts uniform and put it on — don't wanna make any first impressions while wearing the baggy old clothes of my cousin Dudley...]

I then took the book about healing magic and started reading it.

[As far as I can tell, healing magic requires lots of concentration and an aptitude in charms and transfiguration... I wonder how does it work? I don't understand most of what this book says. Probably because my lack of understanding in the fundamentals of magic... Maybe Madam Pomfrey could help me gain a better understanding...]

As I read more, I came to realize some other important aspect of healing magic.

[Hmmm... Visualizing while using healing spells is common... I could use this to my advantage... My knowledge in medical science is not average considering today's medicine... I was also good at using visual aspects of information to memorize complicated mechanisms in cells... I don't think magicals are that aware of the biology of cells or it's physiology... If despite that they can treat illnesses and bruises with magic, then I as a med student can definitely do something different... Of course, only if this world is governed by the same natural laws as my previous world... Seriously, what if this new life of mine exists in a much different form of reality...]

I then came to my senses and just now noticed that the train was already moving at top speed. I was alone in the compartment with only my magical leather bag to keep me company...

[Hmmm... Should I search for her? But then I already know that she will start searching for Neville's toad in the middle of the ride...]

I was uneasy...

[But wasn't I impatient to see her? Where is this coming from? Am I chickening out? Am I intimidated by an eleven year old girl? Now that I think about it, it does seem hard... After what I lived through this past month, I've lost confidence in myself... Not only am I not as intelligent as I used to be, but I also have a small tool— These were my pride and joy in my old life... No matter how beautiful of a face I have now compared to my old life, it is certainly not nearly enough to heal my injured pride... ]

[There's also the fear of not finding her at all as this fear was supplemented profusely by my lack of success in finding her this past month... For fucks sake I even took shifts watching just the entrance of Flourish and Blotts... For more than a week... Ugh... Why didn't I just go for the Olivander route?]

I sighed then took out my wand and used the only spell I could learn properly, Lumos!

A very bright ball of light formed on the tip of the wand as it illuminated the compartment like a flash... I then immediately toned down the output of magic I was using instinctively as I didn't want to attract any attention from the other students...

[This past month I only managed to successfully use lumos... Hurray for me! I let there be light! Next up, I will let there be the stars... Or was it the moon? Whatever... Ow man — and here I thought I could bend reality to my will and be a fighting god that smites his enemies with just one flick... Oh how naive I was... Just owning a powerful wand does not mean you will be powerful as well. By choosing not to be a slave for the wand I sacrificed the wand's cooperation in the short term. I hope I can do something about it in the long term, hopefully sooner as I will not want to be branded as a squib from the get go...]

I sighed resignedly and muttered, "magic is harder and more messed up than I thought — if only I could make sense of it, then I could do something about it but..." at that moment the compartment door was opened brazenly without a knock and in came a girl that left me weak on the knees and totally speechless. It was her who I had been searching tirelessly for the past month, since I have been stranded in this lonesome world...

{As emerald met chocolate brown for the first time, this body seemed to freeze as I was stunned for words... I have not just waited for this moment, no... I have yearned for this moment to come true, even in the deepest corners of my heart... This past month, I have lost many things... The first time I mistook someone else for you girl, I lost faith in myself, the me who was so confident that he had the power that could help him embrace everything this world has to offer... The second time, I lost my faith in fate, a fate so elegant you could oh so easily mistake it for hope just as I mistook her for you... For I believe that hope is the basis of our existence and you my love, are the hope, the hope of my very existence in this life. And last but not least, since the third time I mistook, there was no fourth time.]

She had the most curious look on her cute face as she asked in her infamous bossy sort of voice with a flick of her bushy brown hair, "Were you the one who made that flash of light? I think it came from here..."

I couldn't answer as I still was experiencing the after affects of my bewilderment.

[Those brown eyes, they look fierce...]

When she noticed my wand and the very faint light it was emitting, she confirmed her thoughts with a nod.

"It is the Lumos charm, right? I've read about it in Standart Book of Spells, chapter 3." She said as she scrutinized me some more. "You're a first year." She stated as a fact as she curiously observed me with eyes of boundless intelligence. Her voice was like a music to my ears.

I swallowed, then using every fiber of my being, decided to use what I learned from the Occlum-Encyclopedia, at least I tried to...

I nodded as I gave what I hoped was a charming smile, "Yes, it's in fact my very first year at Hogwarts. How did you know?"

That sentence was by far the most difficult one I have ever made. As my mind was in jumbles, it is a wonder that I haven't embarrassed myself yet...

"Oh that's great, me too. As it should be obvious from my robes," she indicated haughtily the amblem on her chest as she went on, "the Hogwarts amblem means you haven't got a house yet. I've read about it in Hogwarts, a History that there are four houses with their..."

[She's so cute! I just want to pull her cheeks until they permanently sag... Now that wouldn't do — I wouln't forgive myself if I did that.]

I gave out an involuntary chortle as I finally felt relieved in such a long time.

[She's alive... Not only did I see her with my own eyes at long last, I'm even talking with her, she's looking right at me...Must not cry...]

She seemed offended that I interrupted her 'enlightening' speech by making fun of her, as she was just about to retort, I immediately apologized, "I'm sorry, it's just that you have been speaking for a few minutes now and I still don't know your name," then I indicated the seat opposite to me, "Why don't you sit down, and let's properly introduce ourselves?"

She seemed speechless for a moment as her face seemed to turn red.

[Cute! Oh god thank you for letting me live till this day, I can now die at ease...]

I was still trying to give off an air of confidence as I widened my smile.

She then haughtily sat where I indicated — legs crossed — then introduced herself.

"I'm Hermione Granger, you are?" As if she was doing me a favor asking me to introduce myself...

"I'm Harry Potter."


	5. I close at the open

* * *

Hermione POV:

"Not on this one either — just where did that toad jump off to..." A girl muttered from where she was standing, just outside a compartment in the corridor, with a slight frown, staring off into nothingness after she had just checked one more compartment to see whether the toad somehow got in there; not surprisingly though, the residents inside were less then hospitable just like the others before; possibly due to her bossy attitude but she didn't even show the slightest sign of being disturbed by it as was the norm, though that did not mean she didn't feel hurt as she was good at keeping her emotions to herself.

{You might be wondering, why? Why would a first-year muggle-born girl such as herself would in any way be taking part in helping to search some boy's pet toad out of random instead of just peacefully minding her own business and continuing her second-through of Hogwarts: A History in her compartment in serenity.

Well, the reason was exactly that — serenity. Her having a strong sense of justice and authority also might have some influence on the matter.

As a longtime loner, she was always aware of the painful reality that she was different from others, so, since that unforgettable day she learned that she was a witch that can do magic and there were other people like her who go to a special school to study said magic, she had been pretty hopeful; why wouldn't she be? It was only natural for a young girl to be so optimistic about going to a magical school right out of fairytales; but to her, having friends — people who were similar to her — was equally important if not more, because for the longest of times, she had yearned to spend her time with people her age who will accept her not because of her usefulness as a study partner, but because of being just her. Just Hermione.

Her parents were especially supportive of their one and only daughter because they loved her dearly and were quite aware of what she had been through, maybe that's why they were not that resistant about the prospect of a whole magical world existing right beneath their noses and their little girl leaving them for said world. They knew that she was not normal and would eventually be isolated from the outside world, turning to her books, being a shut-in completely. So it was a godsent for them to learn that there was a place for their daughter to fit in, even if it was a weird sort of place for them, nevertheless it was good enough for the worried parents.

But unfortunately, life was not much like in those bedtime stories that they used to read to their beloved daughter as it seems, she herself could not undo the damage her past had done to her, at least not in the short-term, so here she was once again sadly left to accept that the students here were not that much different from those she really used to didn't get along back in her old school days, maybe even worse as a couple of students her age completely changed their attitude and hurled insults at her and her parents out of nowhere when they learned both of her parents couldn't use magic.

It was a completely new form of discrimination she originally didn't expect to suffer out here. At least before, she was the only one to be discriminated against because of her peculiarities, but now? Even her parents were brought into this? Outrageous!

No matter where she went, nobody her age whether it be a girl or a boy liked to associate themselves with her, either irritated by her attitude or simply intimidated by her intelligence, only acting friendly to use her to meet their own ends... As long as they had something to gain, which mostly was in the department of studies, she was their friend... It seems here, things would not be much different at all...

Her only healthy communication experience, apart from her loving parents, came from the authority figures who she depended on with her life. The bossy attitude and a strong belief in authority she developed because of such an unhealthy childhood certainly didn't help things as they were.

But she was nothing if not persistent, so even after several attempts she tried in the path to make friends on the train that backfired on her spectacularly, the moment she spotted a worried boy her age looking desperately for a person named 'Trevor', she just had to offer her help in searching for the boy's missing friend which she later learned was actually his pet toad — all for the purpose of being his friend.

Of course, the girl would never admit that she was doing this to gain a friend — no, not even to herself as it was shameful — so to her, it was the right thing to do. It's not like she goes through all this trouble just so she can make friends, right? She's just helping a schoolmate in need as a responsible student...}

All of a sudden, a white light seeping through the gaps of the compartment door just ten steps ahead to her right, caught her interest.

"Is that... That's definitely not normal," she muttered in excitement as it could only be a very powerful source that could cause such intense light which was originating from behind the door.

"It has to be magic — let's take a look then," the precocious girl, the little inquisitor that she was, muttered. As it was her nature, she was extremely curious of the source that the powerful light came from. In the other compartments that she visited, to her delight, she frequently saw magic being used when she visited them. The most memorable one was the exploding snap game that she saw being played among some upperclassmen, notably the red-haired identical twin brothers with a few other people who even invited the girl to join but she naturally refused, saying that she was in the middle of searching the missing toad for a friend.

The game looked dangerous, if not stupid to her; but it was still refreshing to watch as she still was new to the whole concept of magic also, she loved discovering new things — that was the reason why she decided to investigate the source in the first place, without even a moment's hesitation. What could possibly go wrong? Her bushy hair flowed around her heart-shaped face in harmony as she skittered for the door, anticipation boiling inside. In her mind there were countless possible scenes she was expecting to find as she brazenly slided the door open to the compartment which had it's curtain closed, never did she imagine to see a messy jet-black haired boy who should not be that far from her age, who too was wearing his Hogwarts uniform, with the most brilliant green eyes she has ever laid eyes on looking at her in bewilderment.

For a brief moment, she could have sworn that the boy's eyes flashed in a brilliant emerald hue, but quickly discarded it as just her imagination.

Funnily enough, neither her search for Trevor nor the light magic now concerned her. In those chocolate brown eyes, there reflected only the twin green orbs originating from the boy.

Seconds passed, her eyes were still glued to the emerald orbs that were apparently the eyes of this intriguing boy, despite the dirty round old thing he was wearing on his face which made a poor excuse for a glasses, the sheer magesty could not be withheld from within those eyes... She was so lost in them, to the point of even losing the track of time as she just could not take her eyes off of what she was presented. When she did come to her senses, she realized what she was doing and internally berated herself for her manners in front of the boy.

She really was disturbed by her reaction to the boy, so she asked in her haughty persona as she flicked her chocolate brown hair.

"Were you the one who made that flash of light? I think it came from here..."

As if cat got his tongue, the boy just continued to stare at her with what looked to be bewilderment.

Getting no reply, she was feeling slightly irritated as she observed the boy from head to toe. She could tell he was skinny even with the school robes he was wearing, without the tie, she noted.

He was a little on the feminine side too. If not for the short messy black hair and round old spectacles which surprisingly suited him, she could have easily mistaken him for a girl. He had a very white complexion which suggested that either it was genetic inheritance or that he rarely was out in the sunlight. The amblem on his school robe revealed that he was yet to be sorted to a house, which meant that he was a first year just like her.

Then she spotted the source of the light which was the main reason for her being here right now. The wand in his tightly gripped right hand that was resting on his knees — on the tip of it was but a faint ball of white light, having only the slightest traces of it's previous brilliance.

"It is the Lumos charm, right? I've read about it in Standart Book of Spells, chapter 3." She said giving a momentary glance at the boy; than looking back at his wand, remembering everything that has to do with the charm. It was easy to cast but difficult to control. She already tried some of the first-year spells which she learned theoretically for the past month in her compartment, most of them worked out just fine including Lumos, but her's was incomparable to the boy's, even if his spell lasted for a few seconds, nevertheless it was — frustrating...

"You're a first year." Yet she was impressed as well.

The boy gulped, then asked with obvious curiosity.

"Yes, it's in fact my very first year at Hogwarts. How did you know?"

His voice was easy to ears, she noted.

She rolled her eyes at the boy's stupidity as she said in a slightly arrogant manner, "Oh that's great, me too. As it should be obvious from my robes," she indicated haughtily the amblem on her chest, she could tell he was clueless so she went on, "the Hogwarts amblem means you haven't got a house yet. I've read about it in Hogwarts, a History that there are four houses with their own amblems, with each being represented by a specific color and an animal. Gryffindor values bravery and chivalry, Hufflepuff; comradery and loyalty, Ravenclaw; wisdom and intelligence and Slytherin; cunning and ambition. Before the sorting ceremony, all of the first-year students are required to have the Hogwarts amblem and a black tie which by the way I see you haven't even bothered to wear one, but the instant they get sorted, their robes then transform to fit with their respective houses'."

She said in a single breath. At this point she was lost in her own world as she inhaled a deep breath and went on, beaming.

"Isn't it just — fascinating? When you get sorted, you will be selected to be a part of one of the four houses which have their own common rooms and dormitories. Though I do not know how the sorting is done as it strangely wasn't mentioned in Hogwarts: A History or the other books that I've bought for light reading," Then she sombered up a little and went on her speech while looking through the window.

"I think it should involve the headmaster and the professors as a jury or some kind of magical artifact that decides which house you are better suited in, yet here I am just speculating..."

As she was about to go on talking, suddenly a hearty laughter interrupted her speech and thus irritated, she glared at the source.

She normally just ignored the derision and ridicule from other people but coming from this boy, somehow it really got on her nerve, not to mention that it hurt. And here she was being magnanimous, trying to help this clueless boy understand some important aspects of their school. Hmph! The nerve of him...

She was just about to retort when the boy who was just now shamelessly laughing at her stopped his misdeed at once and apologised, with a charming smirk, she took note — irritated...

"I'm sorry, it's just that you have been speaking for a few minutes now and I still don't know your name," then he indicated the seat opposite to him, "Why don't you sit down, and let's properly introduce ourselves?"

The girl was as dumbfounded as she was irritated, She berated herself for getting distracted by him and making a fool out of herself. She was completely red in the face as she quickly sat down. Wanting to quickly salvage the situation in her favor, she crossed her legs as she always does when she subconsciously feels the need to protect herself.

"I'm Hermione Granger, you are?" She asked in her imperious manner with that bossy tone of voice.

"I'm Harry Potter."

As the boy completed his sentence, announcing his name, the name she least expected to hear coming from him; she unconsciously quickly uncrossed her legs and leaned forward, the previous awkwardness completely fading away, her eyes automatically went to the boy's forehead where she could barely make out the fine traces of the infamous lightning bolt scar just above his right eyebrow only a single living boy should possess. The-Boy-Who-Lived...

"Are you really?" stated Hermione, shock barely muted from her voice as she must have completely missed it, the scar. Her pride was damaged. Why didn't she see it? She was really good at noticing such things, so why? The only answer to these questions that appeared in her mind was that, she should have noticed it, if not for her distraction... Only if his eyes weren't so...

She then looked back into his eyes, the ones at fault that were responsible for her distraction... She just couldn't get angry with those orbs around. At the boy's affirmative nod, she sighed as she toned down most of her enthusiasm in unexpectedly meeting a celebrity from her voice as she cleared her throat and said, her eyes half-closed...

"I know all about you, of course—I got a few extra books for background reading, and you're in Modern Magical History and The Rise and Fall of the Dark Arts and Great Wizarding Events of the Twentieth Century. "

"Books? About me?" He asked as he sat straighter, directing his full attention to the girl.

She could tell that he was seriously underinformed from their previous conversation, but not to this degree.

"Goodness, didn't you know? I'd have found out everything I could if it was me." She said incredulously, leaning forward, tilting her head a little to the right while looking at him, involuntarily holding her breath and clasping her hands together and was about to open her mouth but at the last moment, left it at that. She considered in her momentary hesitation whether it would be okay to ask him about his tragic past as she was really curious about this strange boy... But that would be really insensitive of her. How would she like it if somebody she just met asked her out of nowhere about her dead parents and how her life till now was...

So despite her curiosity, she managed to hold it in and leaned back in her seat.

The boy calmly shook his head, and as if sensing her dilemma, he said;

"Well, even though I have this mark," he lifted his forelocks with his right hand and while avoiding her gaze, traced the scar with his little finger on his forehead, "I'm just a normal boy who learned that he was able to do magic only about a month ago and before that, I was living a normal life with my muggle relatives, without any knowledge that there was even a magical school existing in Britain let alone the existence of magic."

She let out a gasp.

"What? That's impossible! Though I do know that you have been living with your relatives who can't use magic as was mentioned in Modern Magical History, they should have at least known about magic as they were related to your parents. The magical laws allows this!

The boy just continued looking at her eyes.

She gasped again, holding her hands to her mouth, understanding dawning to her as she stated quietly, "They didn't tell you the full story, did they?"

The boy only nodded his head once in confirmation.

"So, you learned all of that — I mean, what happened to..." She was genuinely sorry for the famous young wizard.

"Yes, just recently." His voice was neutral, she noted.

"Oh, right." Not knowing what to say, the young witch could only drop her head and bask in the awkward atmosphere she herself created by her own hands. Just how stupid can she get?

But then, something in her periphery view, the peculiar book which was resting on the boy's lap which she only now noticed, presented her with a life boat that could save her from her predicament.

"Oh, were you reading? It certainly doesn't seem to be a book that has to do with our curriculum. What book is it, can I see?" The girl asked, overjoyed that the boy too was not unfamiliar with reading.

Somehow, she was beginning to see him as a much closer existence with the way things were going between them. She was obviously trying to cheer the boy up by changing the subject as a consequence of this.

The boy gently smiled at her then handed the book over as the girl took it in her hands, she let out a slight gasp as she stared first at the boy then at the book in shock and wonder.

"It's so smooth to the touch, I could just read it all day!" She exclaimed.

The boy gave a brief laugh in affirmation.

She then read the letters on the cover, "Basic Magicure? Theresa Woodman? Theresa... Woodman?" She looked away from the book in her hand and began squinting her eyes in contemplation, staring into nothingness while slowly nodding her head as she knew she was on to something.

"Witch... Bewitch... 18th century... Sleep... Oh! Of course! Theresa Woodman! She was the 18th century witch who founded the Bewitched Sleep spell! I've read about her in the History of Magic by Bathilda Bagshot! She was also among the very few who revolutionized the Wizarding World with her discoveries in poison-cure potions!"

She then immediatly started browsing the pages in delight, forgetting that she was in the presence of a celebrity altogether.

Then, after a few minutes, a very soft murmur of "Hermione," got her attention as she looked back at the boy. He was slightly whiter than she first saw, she took note. What's more, for a moment she thought she saw him in pain but quickly let go of that notion as just a misperception in her part.

Just because that was the first time he used her name while addressing her, she was taken off guard as a consequence. For some reason, this boy was really good at destabilizing her.

"Yes?" She asked with that bossy voice, giving her full attention to the boy as she again found herself mystified by his eyes, but this time with more restraint.

The boy hesitated for a few seconds while avoiding looking at her as his facial expression changed multiple times, from amazement to confusion, from confusion to panic, from panic to resignation and lastly, from resignation to resolve as he then answered.

"Sorry, I just had the strongest urge to say your name," He apologized as a figure of speech, then continued. "It's a lovely name, Hermione... I like it, it suits you." The boy said looking at her with a hint of a smile on his features.

"Do you mean that?"

She inquired with a slight squint of her eyes, sceptical and a bit curious about what the emerald green eyed boy would have to say. She strongly felt that there was something very different about the boy. Though she could not quite put her fingers on it yet...

"Of course, I've never been more serious in my life." The boy stated as a matter of factly to the bewilderment of the girl.

"Oh... Ummm... Really?" asked the girl. Usually she would have to suffer criticism or derision from her contemporaries; the very few times she was complimented, she could obviously tell that they were insincere; but for the very first time in her life, she was complimented by a boy — and he seemed sincere... That never happened before...

"Yeah," the boy smiled weekly as he went on, "it suits a cute girl like you."

She was red in the face, flushed from the words the boy just kind of spitted out out of nowhere, then suddenly becoming too shy to even sit around him any longer so, even to the extent of avoiding his eyes, she self admonishingly said,

"Oh, right — I-I've got to get back to searching... A boy named Neville lost his pet toad so..."

It was way too fast, the way she spoke, as she just remembered her reason for not being in her compartment. She then gave the book back over to it's owner who calmly put it in his bag as she avoided looking at the boy and got up from her seat. She was just about to exit the compartment but she stopped and turned around to look at the boy who was watching her in a peculiar way she couldn't describe. She hesitated for a brief moment but then came to a decision as she immediatly got closer to him and pulled out her wand and pointed it between his eyes.

As it was an unexpected move, the boy was left speechless, watching in confusion as the girl cried out,

"Occulus Reparo!"

Something resembling a small piece of sticker, a pair of them, instantaneously came out from the boy's glasses with a faint cracking sound and turned into a white vapour on the tip of her wand that slowly evaporated, the boy just stared at the wand, his mouth wide open.

The boy, shaking his head sighed good naturedly, feeling nostalgic as he took off his glasses and examined it, then wore it again as he could only utter just a single word, giving off a tired smile,

"Thanks."

Not really taking any heed to the abnormality in his voice, she nodded while throwing nothing more than a cursory glance at the boy and than exited the most nerve-wrecking compartment she'd ever visited, but not before quickly sliding the door behind her closed without even looking back, if she had, she definitely would have seen 'the-boy-who-lived' voicelessly screaming in pain and than finally, laying completely limp on his seat, unconscious.

Even though she may not show it, she now firmly believed that she may have just found her very first friend at last. But if only she knew that their friendship would never come to pass...

* * *

Harry POV:

I was rudely woken up by a terrible headache in the middle of a very strange dream I was having... When I opened my eyes, I could tell that I had fallen asleep, my head resting against a window, and through it, I could see the sunset painting the vast oceans of moving trees, the farmlands and the mountains in the distance in an angry crimson red.

"Huee? Is it already — morning?" I murmured softly right after yawning wearily with half-lidded eyes. As I took in my surroundings; I strongly felt the need to screw up my eyes and rub them — with both my index fingers — slightly lifting up my glasses for better access, making sure whether all that I'm seeing right now is part of the dream or not.

As I again opened my eyes, what I saw remained the same and after that; no matter how many times I blinked...

"It's cold... What is this place?" I shuddered as my senses started to kick in.

I then lifted my head up from the cool surface of the glass,

I crossed my arms tightly in an effort to warm my body. When I looked at the scenery outside, and added to that the sound of the locomotive engine, I knew exactly what I was on.

"Am I on a train? But why? Where is it going? When did... But how did I even get here?" For some reason, my voice was coming louder than usual, but I ignored it in favor of the million other things that felt... Just dead wrong...

It was so confusing.

[The last thing I remember was me lying down on the floor in the middle of the night, making a wish — before blowing the 'candles' on my delicious looking 'birthday cake'. After that, everything sort of — blacked out.]

My head was full of unanswered questions, and the likely answers to any to them were probably all bad news. Well, apart from my wish coming true that is, but that doesn't seem to be the case as the feeling of uneasiness, as well as the strange sensation of this type of coldness wasn't included in any part of my wish, not to mention the headache...

"Why can't I remember?"

What was more disconcerting was that, it didn't feel like I was just now 'celebrating' my birthday on that small island in the old shack... Rather it somehow felt much longer than just a few days...

"Does it perhaps have anything to do with the drea..."

"Ouch! My head!"

A piercing pain shot through my skull as I held onto my head with my hands, my face cringing.

"What's happening?" I said, more like whined in pain.

Trying to remember anything about why I'm here was perhaps the primary cause for the headache. But despite the pain, I stubbornly tried to remember it.

[The dream? What was it about again?]

The more time passed and the more I tried to remember, the more I was forgetting...

[I dreamt of a man telling me that I'm a wizard]

"Ugh!" I grimaced, holding my head.

[And that my parents didn't die in a car crash, but some evil wizard who started a war murdered them instead, but he couldn't do anything to me, so I became famous. I also remember looking for some books for school from a list — and a bag?]

Trying to ignore the pain, I turned my head to my left to see the small leather bag right next to me. It seemed ordinary but I had the inkling feeling that there was something more to it as it highly resembled the bag I bought in my dream. When I clutched it in my hands,

[It's light...] I thought, feeling a little disappointed — but when I opened it and held it so that the sunlight could easily illuminate the inside, I could only come to the inevitable conclusion that...

"Wow! Magic!" My enthusiastic cry filled the room.

"There's even a birdcage for crying out loud!" Seeing a large rectangular room where there were about a dozen or so books which were stacked together and a bird cage just in the corner! I tried shaking the bag to see whether the contents inside would be affected in any way, but the whole structure was perfectly stable, along with it's contents... In my childish mind, there was no way that it could be anything but magic; that, I was absolutely sure about.

"This means that not only am I not an 'insane freak' as Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon used to repeatedly spit out so vehemently when strange things happened around me, but also the dream I woke from now was not entirely my imagination at all! So that means my parents were not drunkards at all! Although I do not have the slightest idea what's happening, if it helps me get away from the Dursleys, then all is well! The farther away from them, the better!"

Despite my apparent discomfort, I was overflowing with excitement, but a simple question raising in my head and it's not so obvious implications were more than enough to confuse the hell out of me, dampening my spirits.

[Did I just used the word 'vehemently'?]

* * *

An hour later...

A rough, muted male voice echoed through the train,

"We will be reaching Hogwarts in five minutes' time. Please leave your luggage on the train, it will be taken to the school separately."

"I guess there's no need to take you with me then..." I spoke out — now with a tie on — staring at the bag which was on my lap.

Even though it was quite light and occupied a small space, I could see no reason to not leave it behind.

I was in the compartment sitting on my seat and reading some books to further understand my position.

As underage witches and wizards, all of us were required to bring a wand; as wands were essential for our survival, being the catalyst to use magic all over the world throughout the ages, according to the school book that I'm now reading.

So it was definitely not pleasant when I was unable to find my wand, not surprisingly I panicked, but thankfully, I managed to think of searching my pockets from early on and found my wand without any drama...

"It's still cold..." No matter how much I try to warm myself up, the coldness just doesn't go away... Not to mention the headaches and the jumbled sounds and voices around me that doesn't disappoint in ruining my day.

Though I was slowly getting used to this peculiar feeling around me, I couldn't say that it was actually pleasant. I have a feeling that it should have something to do with this train... I can feel it — I hope it gets better out there..."

I looked out the window only to see nothing but the far-stretching darkness apart from the many dim stars that were constantly fizzling out of existence at one moment and then as if to quickly prove that it was still there and ticking, coming right back the next moment as the sun had already set, leaving only the yearning to it's once loving embrace.

"It's pretty dark — makes me wonder..." There was absolutely no sign of civilization even though we were about to arrive to our destination.

[Maybe it seems dark outside because of the light inside the compartment keeping my pupils constricted by exciting the parasympathetic nerves which contract the sphincter pupil muscles located just behind my cornea inside my iris, limiting the amount of photons entering my eyes exponentially which leads me to not miss .]

"Ha? It's happening again... Just where are all these information coming from? I don't ever remember learning anything that has to do with the human eye, let alone learning what a photon is... Did I perhaps study too much nonesense in the duration of my 'lost time'."

I snorted self-mockingly,

[There's no way that it's that simple.]

Lost Time. This was the phrase I decided to use to describe the phenomenon of me not remembering what happened since the midnight back in the shack. I have yet to learn how many days have passed since then, but I have a feeling that it should not be any longer than a month...

I sighed as I wondered aimlessly in my head...

[Somehow, all of that I've been experiencing, all of that I've been through, including the dream... Everything seems so — tiring... I'm tired of being confused, having questions that have no answer... I just — don't want to think anymore... I'm tired... I want to go to bed and rest — like never before...]

The train slowed right down and finally stopped. I then stood up from my seat, hardly finding any will to even take another step, my only driving force was the prospect of living in a new home away from the Dursleys...

I exited my lonely compartment leaving my bag only to see throngs of students pushing their way toward the door.

I waited a few minutes in a corner of the corridor for the train to be empty enough for my relatively comfortable exit. A man's voice was audible as he shouted,

"Firs' years! Firs' years over here!"

[That voice... Familiar...]

I then got off the train to a dimly lit tiny dark platform with the last of the passengers. As I looked around for the owner of the voice who was calling for the first years, a giant man who vaguely resembled the one in my dream spotted me from twenty meters ahead and came closer as he asked.

"Harry? Everythin' alrigh'?" The bearded man asked under his beard.

"?" I tilted my neck a little to the right as I looked at him in confusion, as if to ask;

[Do we know each other?]

Nevertheless, I improvised as I gave a slight smile at the beaming giant. He nodded, then thankfully got back to his business.

[Thank god...] I let out a relieved sigh.

"C'mon, follow me — any more firs' years? Mind yer step, now! Firs' years follow me!"

There were about twenty four of us first-years... Slipping and stumbling, we followed the giant man down what seemed to be a steep, narrow path. It was so dark on either side of us that there must be thick trees there. Nobody spoke much, probably uneasiness was the cause...

"Ye' all get yer firs' sight o' Hogwarts in a sec," The giant called over his shoulder, "jus' round this bend here."

There was a collective impressed voices of, "Oooooh!" from the kids, apart from a single boy, who was busily thinking about other things.

[Why does it get colder the more we get closer...]

The narrow path had opened suddenly onto the edge of a great black lake. Perched atop a high mountain on the other side, its windows sparkling in the starry sky, was a vast castle with many turrets and towers.

When I could look at it and gazed at it I did, I was not just impressed, but completely humbled by it's silhouette, there's also something about it that made me mystified.

[Wow... It's big — not just that, there's something more...]

"No more'n four to a boat!" The man called, pointing to a fleet of little boats sitting in the water by the shore.

I gawked at the castle as the students just went along with what the giant said and got on their respective boats.

"This is it..." This was my home now... And by the looks of it, it was magical... Literally.

I then got on a random boat that seemed to be the closest one that had only three students on it. As I sat down on the only empty seat, I noticed a brown haired girl staring at me from the periphery of my view. When I looked back at her, she immediately avoided her eyes, turning her head away and starting a conversation with the anxious-looking boy next to her.

[Weird...] I shrugged it off as I closed my eyes.

"Everyone in?" shouted the increasingly annoying giant, who had a boat to himself. "Right then — FORWARD!"

And the fleet of little boats magically moved off all at once, gliding across the lake, which was as smooth as glass. Half way through, everyone was silent to the point of it being eerie as they were staring up at the great castle overhead, including the annoying girl I'm on a boat with, who just couldn't shut up about speaking about her books.

Hogwarts...It towered over us as if we were a bunch of ants who could be squashed at any given moment...

As we continued our ride, I sighed heavily, noticing the peculiar feeling which resembled that of the coldness in the train change...

[It's getting colder and... I just can't identify this feeling... It's uncomfortable...]

My face was scrunched up as I was about to cry.

[Mom... Dad... Why! Why am I the only one being affected? Nobody seems to mind it, this feeling... Am I the only one feeling it then? Should I be happy about it?]

I eventually calmed down, thinking about a life without the Dursleys which not surprisingly did wonders as we sailed nearer and nearer to the cliff on which the 'school' stood.

"Heads down!" yelled the giant man as the first boats reached the cliff; they all pointlessly bent their heads and so did I as the little boats carried us through a curtain of ivy that hid a wide opening in the cliff face. We were carried along a dark tunnel, which seemed to be taking us right underneath the castle, until we reached a kind of underground harbor, where we clambered out onto rocks and pebbles.

"Oy, you there! Is this your toad?" The giant man called out when he was in the middle of checking the boats as people climbed out of them.

"Trevor!" cried the anxious boy who was in the same boat with us.

[So he was worried about his toad...] I thought, as I gazed at him.

The boy still had a considerable amount of baby fat on his face, holding out his hands in bliss.

[Toad?] Something about it seemed familiar to me...

Then we clambered up a passageway in the rock after the giant's lamp, coming out at last onto smooth, damp grass right in the shadow of the imposing castle.

We walked up a flight of stone steps and crowded around the huge, Oak front door.

The feeling was getting more intense as we got closer, I gritted my teeth, enduring the strange tickling sensation that I was assaulted with.

"Everyone here? You there, still got yer toad?"

The giant raised a gigantic fist and knocked three times on the castle door.

The door swung open at once. A tall, black-haired witch in emerald-green robes stood there imperiously. She had a very stern face and my first thought was that this woman was not someone to cross.

"The firs' years, Professor McGonagall," said the man.

"Thank you, Hagrid. I will take them from here." The woman said so in a Scottish accent.

[So his name was Hagrid...]

She pulled the door wide. The entrance hall was so big you could have fit the whole of the Dursleys' house in it, yet still have enough space for a wide garden. The stone walls were lit with flaming torches like the ones at Gringotts, the ceiling was too high to make out, and a magnificent marble staircase facing us led to the upper floors.

We followed Professor McGonagall across the flagged stone floor. I tried to endure and if possible, ignore the increasing intensity of the assault...

[Wait, isn't this a school of magic. Than this place should be boiling with magic...? If that's so, what if I have the ability to feel magic? If so, than what about the train? Maybe they used magic there too...

"Hmmm..."

[I wonder if I should tell anybody about it? Maybe they can help, especially a doctor...]

[No... Something inside tells me that would be a very bad idea... Then should I just — endure?]

As I was in the middle of something important, I was interrupted by the stern voice of the professor. The students were standing rather close together, peering about nervously in a small, empty chamber.

"Welcome to Hogwarts," said Professor McGonagall. "The start-of-term banquet will begin shortly, but before you take your seats in the Great Hall, you will be sorted into your houses. The Sorting is a very important ceremony because, while you are here, your house will be your family within Hogwarts. You will have classes with the rest of your house, sleep in your house dormitory, and spend free time in your house common room.

"The four houses are called Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. Each house has its own noble history and each has produced outstanding witches and wizards. While you are at Hogwarts, your triumphs will earn your house points, while any rulebreaking will lose house points. At the end of the year, the house with the most points is awarded the house cup, a great honor. I hope each of you will be a credit to whichever house becomes yours.

"The Sorting Ceremony will take place in a few minutes in front of the rest of the school. I suggest you all smarten yourselves up as much as you can while you are waiting."

Her eyes lingered for a moment on the toad boy's cloak, which was fastened under his left ear, and on the red headed boy's smudged nose. I nervously tried to flatten my hair, but it was futile...

"I shall return when we are ready for you, please wait quietly," said Professor McGonagall.

She then left the chamber. I swallowed.

"How exactly do they sort us into houses?" I asked the red headed boy next to me.

"Some sort of test, I think. My brother Fred said it hurts a lot, but I think he was joking."

My heart gave a horrible jolt. A test? In front of the whole school? But I didn't know any magic yet — what on earth would I have to do? I was too engrossed in what I was feeling that I hadn't expected something like this the moment we arrived.

[I should have read more...]

I looked around anxiously and saw that everyone else looked terrified, too. No one was talking much except the annoying girl, who was whispering very fast about all the spells she'd learned and wondering which one she'd need. I tried hard not to listen to her as I closed my eyes and concentrated only on the here and now.

[I'm going to get through this! I have to! Or else, the alternative is going back to them... No! Not when I discovered where my parents used to be... They too must have walked these halls... I will not disappoint them!]

The most I had ever been nervous was when I'd had to take a school report home to the Dursleys saying that I'd somehow changed the color of my teacher's wig. That doesn't even come closer to the nervousness that I'm feeling right now.

As I was busy thinking about motivating stuff, something happened that made me jump about a foot in the air — a few students behind me screamed out of nowhere...

"Ou! My ears!" My voice was lost in the frenzy that was now happening.

"What the—?" The red-haired boy gasped, so did the people around us. About twenty ghosts had just streamed through the back wall. Pearly-white and slightly transparent, they glided across the room talking to one another and hardly glancing at the first years. They seemed to be arguing. What looked like a fat little monk was saying: "Forgive and forget, I say, we ought to give him a second chance —"

"My dear Friar, haven't we given Peeves all the chances he deserves? He gives us all a bad name and you know, he's not really even a ghost — I say, what are you all doing here?"

A ghost wearing a ruff and tights had suddenly noticed the first years. Nobody answered.

"New students!" said the Fat Friar, smiling around at them. "About to be Sorted, I suppose?"

A few people nodded mutely.

"Hope to see you in Hufflepuff!" said the Friar. "My old house, you know."

"Move along now," said a sharp voice. "The Sorting Ceremony's about to start."

Professor McGonagall had returned. One by one, the ghosts floated away through the opposite wall. Even ghosts were scared of her...

"Now, form a line," Professor McGonagall told the first years, "and follow me."

Feeling oddly as though my legs had turned to lead, I got into line behind a boy with sandy hair, with the red-haired boy right next to me. We then walked out of the chamber, back across the hall, and through a pair of double doors into the Great Hall.

I had never even imagined such a strange and splendid place. It was lit by thousands and thousands of candles that were floating in midair over four long tables, where the rest of the students were sitting. These tables were laid with glittering golden plates and goblets. At the top of the hall was another long table where the teachers were sitting. Professor McGonagall led us first years up here, so that we came to a halt in a line facing the other students, with the teachers behind us. The hundreds of faces staring at us looked like pale lanterns in the flickering candlelight. Dotted here and there among the students, the ghosts shone misty silver. Mainly to avoid all the staring eyes, I looked upward and saw a velvety black ceiling dotted with stars.

I then heard the annoying girl whisper , "It's bewitched to look like the sky outside. I read about it in Hogwarts, A History."

It was hard to believe there was a ceiling there at all, and that the Great Hall didn't simply open on to the heavens.

I quickly looked down again as Professor McGonagall silently placed a four-legged stool in front of the first years. On top of the stool she put a black pointed wizard's hat. This hat was patched and frayed and extremely dirty. Aunt Petunia wouldn't have let it in the house.

"Maybe we had to try and get a rabbit out of it," I thought wildly, that seemed the sort of thing — noticing that everyone in the hall was now staring at the hat, I stared at it, too. For a few seconds, there was complete silence. Then the hat twitched. A rip near the brim opened wide like a mouth — and the hat began to sing:

"Oh, you may not think I'm pretty,

But don't judge on what you see,

I'll eat myself if you can find

A smarter hat than me.

You can keep your bowlers black,

Your top hats sleek and tall,

For I'm the Hogwarts Sorting Hat

And I can cap them all.

There's nothing hidden in your head

The Sorting Hat can't see,

So try me on and I will tell you

Where you ought to be.

You might belong in Gryffindor,

Where dwell the brave at heart,

Their daring, nerve, and chivalry Set Gryffindors apart;

You might belong in Hufflepuff,

Where they are just and loyal,

Those patient Hufflepuffis are true And unafraid of toil;

Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw,

if you've a ready mind,

Where those of wit and learning,

Will always find their kind;

Or perhaps in Slytherin

You'll make your real friends,

Those cunning folk use any means

To achieve their ends.

So put me on! Don't be afraid!

And don't get in a flap!

You're in safe hands (though I have none)

For I'm a Thinking Cap!"

The whole hall burst into applause as the hat finished its song. It bowed to each of the four tables and then became quite still again.

"So we've just got to try on the hat!" The red-head whispered to me. "I'll kill Fred, he was going on about wrestling a troll."

I smiled weakly.

[Yes, that's much better... Trying on the hat was a lot better than having to do a spell, but why not trying it on without everyone watching?]

The hat seemed to be asking rather alot; I didn't feel brave or quick-witted or any of it at the moment.

[If only the hat had mentioned a house for people who felt a bit queasy, that would have been the one for me.] I grimaced.

Professor McGonagall now stepped forward holding a long roll of parchment.

"When I call your name, you will put on the hat and sit on the stool to be sorted," she said.

"Abbott, Hannah!"

A pink-faced girl with blonde pigtails stumbled out of line, put on the hat, which fell right down over her eyes, and sat down. A moments pause —

"HUFFLEPUFF!" shouted the hat as her amblem and tie transformed and now had the color yellow in them.

The table on the right cheered and clapped as Hannah went to sit down at the Hufflepuff table. Harry saw the ghost of the Fat Friar waving merrily at her.

"Bones, Susan!"

"HUFFLEPUFF!" shouted the hat again, and Susan scuttled off to sit next to Hannah.

"Boot, Terry!"

"RAVENCLAW!"

The table second from the left clapped this time; several Ravenclaws stood up to shake hands with Terry as he joined them.

"Brocklehurst, Mandy" went to Ravenclaw too, but "Brown, Lavender" became the first new Gryffindor, and the table on the far right exploded with cheers; I could see the similarly red-headed twin brothers catcalling.

[They're probably related... Maybe one of them is Fred?]

I then turned back to watching the 'sorting' and waited my turn to come.

"Bulstrode, Millicent" as she became a Slytherin, the atmosphere of the room changed.

[Perhaps it's just my imagination...]

"Finch-Fletchley, Justin!"

"HUFFLEPUFF!"

Sometimes, the hat shouted out the house at once, but at others it took a little while to decide. "Finnigan, Seamus," the sandy-haired boy who was in front of me in the line, sat on the stool for almost a whole minute before the hat declared him a Gryffindor.

"Granger, Hermione!" Hermione almost ran to the stool and jammed the hat eagerly on her head. "GRYFFINDOR!" shouted the hat as the one in my right groaned.

A horrible thought suddenly struck me, as horrible thoughts always do when you're very nervous.

[What if I'm not chosen at all? What if I just sat there with the hat over my eyes for ages, until Professor McGonagall jerked it off my head and said there had obviously been a mistake and I'd better get back on the train?]

I shivered at the thought.

When Neville Longbottom, the boy who kept losing his toad, was called, he fell over on his way to the stool. The hat took a long time to decide with Neville. When it finally shouted, "GRYFFINDOR," Neville ran off still wearing it, and had to jog back amid gales of laughter to give it to "MacDougal, Morag."

Malfoy swaggered forward when his name was called and got his wish at once: the hat had barely touched his head when it screamed, "SLYTHERIN!"

Malfoy went to join his friends Crabbe and Goyle, looking pleased with himself.

There weren't many people left now. "Moon" "Nott" "Parkinson" then a pair of twin girls, "Patil" and "Patil" then "Perks, Sally-Anne" and then, at last — "Potter, Harry!"

I stepped forward, suddenly many whispers broke out like little hissing fires all over the hall. I ignored all of them, even the ones that were not meant to be heard by me as I was concentrating on something else.

"Potter, did she say? The Harry Potter?"

After I sat down on the stool, the last thing I saw before the hat dropped over my eyes was the hall full of people craning to get a good look at me. Next second it was the darkness of the hat that I was looking at, awaiting for the big moment...


End file.
